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In this game, the group rotates in one direction with two chairs on opposite ends of the circle nominated as ‘Struggle Stop’ and ‘Struggle Start’. Identify everyone’s dominant (strong) hand and have them recognise when they reach the ‘Struggle Start’ chair that they must play with their non-dominant hand; when they reach the ‘Struggle Stop’ chair they can revert back to their dominant hand. So at any one time half the group is struggling with their weaker hand while the other half is managing OK, drumming with their strong hand. Advise them that they have the option to just hit the Bass note if they feel they are losing their way in ‘Struggle territory’.
Begin a one-handed rhythm with half the group playing with their ‘strong’ hand and half with their ‘weaker’ hand, depending on where they are sitting in relation to the two nominated chairs. Make sure the rhythm isn’t too hard or too easy; B – O – B B O O works well. Vary the tempo to get the right level of difficulty – playing it with your non-dominant hand should be a struggle! Rotate seats using a drum-call or countdown, with each person in the ‘Struggle Start’ half playing with their weaker hand and continuing to do so until they reach the ‘Struggle Stop’ chair. Swap regularly so that each person gets a chance to experience the different sides
What did it feel like when you were struggling with your weaker arm? Did you feel unconnected? Did anyone give up the struggle and just hit the Bass? How different was it when you gave up the struggle? Are their areas in your life that you are always struggling with? How hard would it be to accept these and give up fighting against them? Does giving up the struggle mean you can’t change things? Acceptance is not necessarily resignation. How can we recognise what is worth the struggle and what might be better approached in a more passive way?
First make a list on the white-board of the sort of things that ostracise people or lead to setbacks in their lives – they can be drawn from real experience.
Take every second person out of the circle and have them sit down in the middle of the circle (creating a mini circle themselves with each person facing their empty chair).
Showcase the 4/4 rhythm B b O o – the three Bass notes represent ‘love them’ and the three Tones ‘leave them’[AQ]. Explain to the group that you will all play this rhythm and count down to stop (4, 3, 2, 1, STOP). In the gap the people on each side of an empty chair can choose to love them or leave them by playing either the Tone three times (leave them – they stay down and out) or the Bass three times (love them – they return) in the gap before you all return to the rhythm. But both players (either side of the empty chair) must play the three Basses if the person is to return and they can’t communicate their intentions with each other – if only one plays the Basses and the other plays Tones, the person stays down and out.
Start the rhythm and go in one direction focusing on one empty chair at a time, i.e. each time you STOP, only the players on either side of the empty chair can respond.
How did it feel to be down and out in the middle? Did having others with you make a difference? How did it feel to be welcomed back? What about the feeling of being denied back? How hard is it to be generous to others when they are down on their luck? What gets in the way?
Divide the group into two halves and tell them that the idea is to play eight Tone notes as a group in total (in time with the Bass pulse, which lies on the first note of every four beats – the first note of the bar) followed by an eight-beat break of silence and continue this pattern. Practise this nice and slowly – four notes each (eight in total) until it flows easily.
Then stop and tell them that now every time they play, each half will have a different share of the eight notes. One half will start with seven and work down to one while the other half will start with one and work up to seven, holding the eight-note silence between each change.
Allocate who starts with one and who starts with seven and proceed.
Note: For younger children I write the two combinations in their seven different combinations on the white-board – this helps those less certain of their arithmetic.
Advanced
One half only plays Bass notes and the other half only plays Tones, and add tonal chimes (pentatonic scale) or other percussion instruments in the eight-note rest. This will require some false starts until people get the idea.
How much of getting the balance right in a relationship comes down to focused attention? How important is cooperation and collaboration in balanced relationships? Can you think of examples where people in relationships complement (balance) each other? What are the signs of a relationship that is out of balance?
Divide the group into two halves and pass out two parts to each half of the group (or between a counsellor and the individual they are working with) to be played in a sequence that balances the parts.
Timing 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4
Part 1 begins B - B b O o O -
Part 2 answers O o O - O o O -
Part 1 repeats B - B b O o O -
Part 2 completes O o O o O - - -
Continue this four-part dialogue as a rhythm – lower the volume and ask people to focus on the balance between these parts and how they complement each other.
Explore the different ways the two parts balance or complement each other and connect it to balance in life. What would happen if one half of the rhythm started to dominate the other? Who has had experiences like this where they were out of balance in a part of their life, or in a relationship? How do you get that balance back? Is it realistic to expect such balance?