Show description
Taking back power after loss.
Sometimes events leave us feeling like we have no autonomy or power, particularly after we have experienced a significant loss.
We will invite you to reclaim your power by entering the circle and playing on the large Bass Drums, supported by the rest of the circle.
In this exercise we place one or two large drums with mallets in the middle of the circle.
The group start a foundation rhythm and at any stage a person can enter the circle (or you may like to
schedule people one at a time) and play on the powerful Bass Drums, asserting their power.
Post group discussion
Share with the participants how it felt to take back power in this way and be supported by the rest of the
group. What other ways could help regain the ground you lost?
Instead of running from difficult feelings, sensations or memories; learning
to live with them, but not beholden to them.
Many of the problems people face in their lives are connected to avoiding painful memories, sensations
and feelings, often linked to traumatic events from the past. Acceptance teaches us to learn to live with
what we can’t change (remember the serenity prayer) and confront our problems by taking actions to
improve our lives in accordance with our values.
We can also use mindfulness to separate the present from the past and separate our thoughts and
feelings from our true selves. We can look dispassionately at our thoughts, feelings, sensations as if
viewing them from afar, so that they no longer control us.
Note: ACT does not mean we ask clients to accept every situation (e.g., abusive relationships), but that some
circumstances should ultimately be accepted (i.e., physical reality or historical events), should be accepted for
now, should be accepted with an expectation of eventual change, or should be changed now.
Acceptance
From a list of feelings, ask your client or the members of your group to pick one they recognise in
themselves as a challenge to deal with, and one they often avoid - shame, grief, despair, anger, jealousy,
etc.
The client (or one person at a time in a group situation) is asked to express that emotion as a phrase on
their drum and once defined repeat it. The counsellor plays along with it, mirroring. The client is then
asked to incorporate that phrase into a rhythm that represents their day-to-day life - something steady,
stable and not overtly emotional - for instance B O B O or B b O o - adding the feeling phrase to their daily
rhythm in a way that allows their daily rhythm to continue unabated but with added texture.
Once the extended rhythm is stabilised the counsellor (or group) combine to play it together.
Discussion
What are some of the thoughts, feelings, sensations, memories you’d most like to get rid of?
What strategies have you used to do that & how successful have they been?
Think about how much time and energy you spend trying to avoid these feelings and where that might
be better spent if you could learn to accept them.
Sometimes the more effort we spend denying our feelings the bigger they grow.
Examining the benefits of a slower pace of life
Pre group discussion.
Many of us recognise that our lives are increasingly busy, that we rush from one thing to the next, and
lead our lives with a sense of urgency as though everything depends on moving quickly - FOMO. Much
of this urgency is directed at the future, and stems in part from a view of time as limited - “So many
opportunities, so little time”. When we shift our focus to the moment, time becomes endless.
Rumble on your drum if you have ever rushed into something that you later came to regret.
} What are some of the consequences of rushing all the time?
} How does it impact our relationship?
} How does it impact our work?
} What are some areas of your life that might benefit from a more relaxed approach?
} What are some active steps we can take to live our lives with more awareness and
consideration?
R2R TRAINING WORKBOOK VOLUME 2: MUSIC FOR SOCIAL & EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT 61
Exercise - Slowing Down
Start off with a rhythm that verges on the edge of complexity for the level of your groups ability e.g. Bb
OoO BbB fl fl , Bb OoO BbB fl
And play this at a reasonably fast tempo, so that many will struggle.
Count-down to stop - 4,3,2,1, STOP and slow the rhythm just a little. Repeat this process until you are
playing the same rhythm very slowly. Then stop.
Post group discussion
} What did you notice as the rhythm slowed? How often do seemingly complex problems
become solvable when we slow things down? Can you think of any examples?
} How did your awareness change of other things around you as the rhythm slowed?
} Do you think this has any relevance to the quality of your relationships?
} What about your sense of calm or its opposite ‘worry’. Did you feel a change there as the
rhythm slowed? How might slowing down reduce feelings of stress?
What moves your life forward & what moves it backwards?
Backwards & Forwards
This can be used to look at a wide range of issues where one set of actions moves you towards a positive
goal and another takes you on a less useful (possibly destructive) path, e.g.:
} Healthy Relationships
} Relapse (from drug dependency)
} Personal confidence
} Violence
} Happiness
} Grief
Choose a direction around the circle for forwards and the opposite for backwards. Everyone starts by
playing the Heartbeat rhythm together. The facilitator starts with an air-bump towards the person next
to them in the backwards direction saying one thing from the negative (backwards) column as they do so
– that then stops them playing - this sequence is continued around the circle in the backwards direction
until only the last person is playing (isolated and alone).
Then move in the opposite direction (forwards) this time with a fist bump or high five while saying
something positive to bring your neighbour into the rhythm. This starts to connect the group – and so
the process repeats until all are connected.
Discussion - Finish by emphasising the different elements that undermine connection and negativity
impact our intention and those that cement it.
Introduction.
It is easy to get comfortable in life, staying safe by holding onto old patterns. At the same time, most of us also appreciate the rewards of breaking the status quo and trying something new. Think back to some of those moments when you went out on a limb and tried something new and the sense of adventure that invoked in you
A New Adventure
In this exercise we are going to start with a stable rhythm that represents the status quo - comfortable and safe.
Then in your own time we are going to ask you to ‘take a risk’ and alter your rhythm, maybe just a little to start with, so you don’t lose connection, but gradually moving further away from the old pattern to something completely new - a new pathway, a new adventure! As you experiment with this new direction, try also to stay connected to the underlying pulse that the facilitator will emphasise through the Bass drum. And remember that setting out on a new adventure often require the courage to try different trails before you find the right path.
The group start a foundation rhythm together (e.g. B B O O, B B OoO ) and while the facilitator maintains a strong Bass pulse the group members are encouraged to adapt their individual rhythms to something new. Lower the volume at times to help people connect.
Post group discussion questions:
• Rumble on your drum if you enjoy a new adventure
• Rumble on your drum if you sometimes feel stuck in the same patterns of life
• What are some of the safe patterns in your life that you might like or need to break free from?
• Breaking away from safe patterns that are problematic takes courage - what can help you find the courage to take on a new adventure?
• What might the Bass pulse represent in this exercise?
Note – In this exercise I often identify someone who has moved to a simple but strong new pattern and ask them to keep playing while I stop the rest, and then ask people to join them in their rhythm. And after a while, break away again. You can repeat this several times.
Two more exercises that examine the common stressors in people’s lives and the things that help overcome them. These exercises can be done separately or in conjunction with each other. A key factor in the strength of this group exercise is ‘universality’ - recognising that many people share the same anxieties and have found ways to overcome them.
‘The Pressure Pot’ & ‘Pressure Valve’ Exercises (These can be done together or separately)
Draw up two columns on the white-board and ask the group to list things that stress them in one column and things that de-stress (relax) them in the other.
Then say we will be playing a simple foundation rhythm (BOBO) and layer in one at a time - each time a new person enters the rhythm they will shout out a ‘stressor’ (from one of the columns) and the tempo will increase - watch my drum so you stay with the right tempo. The facilitator starts by saying their ‘stressor’ and starting a slow rhythm, By the time everyone has joined in, the tempo should be very fast - almost out of control.
Then reverse it (keep going around again) with the tempo slowing each time people shout out something that relaxes them (from the other column). Again, emphasise watching my drum so we change tempo together - by the time everyone has contributed a ‘de-stressor’ the tempo should be very slow.
Repeat.
Note – emphasise paying attention to the facilitator as they change the tempo up or down – it is often easy to speed up (get anxious) and more difficult to slow down (relax).
Discussion: Did you notice any similarities in the types of things that make people feel stressed? How did it feel to be part of the rhythm as the tempo quickened? Did you feel you may have been losing control? In times like these what do you do to regain control? Why was it easier to speed up than slow down? What can we do to help ourselves relax when we are anxious?
Discuss the importance of responsibility in life generally, and how it relates to trust, social cohesion and freedom.
There are a number of affirmation exercises in the R2R resource kit where people can commit to an action or belief through the symbolism of a rhythmic phrase. Research has demonstrated how activities such as these can impact motivation and self-belief through direct changes to the neural system, in much the same way as visualisation.
Discuss the challenges of taking responsibility, Responsibility requires pivoting from blaming external factors to empowering internal forces. Discuss the connection between Responsibility & Blame and Responsibility & Trust.
What are some of the benefits of responsibility? Responsibility is important because it provides a sense of purpose, in addition to building resilience amidst adversity on an individual and societal level.
Like an addiction, sidestepping responsibility may feel good in the short-term, but leads to exponentially worse pain and suffering in the long term.
‘IF IT IS TO BE - THEN IT IS UP TO ME’ Exercise
This is an exercise that looks at behavioural change and self-responsibility
The phrase - O o O - o O, B b B - b B is practiced, which represents the theme ‘If it is to be - Then it’s up to me’. Divide the group and half call out with the Tones and the other reply on their Bass.
A flowing rhythm starts (which represents the flow of life), & the practitioner tells the group that he/she will interrupt that flow with a count-down 4,3,2,1, STOP, just like problems or challenges that surface from time to time in our own lives. To resume the flow, the group will play the break 3 times – ‘If it is to be, then its’ up to me’ (taking responsibility to find the solutions, make the right choices or seek help).
Finish by having everyone say the phrase over the top of the break.
This is an exercise we use to look at goal setting and how we move forward with small steps and consolidate these prior to each new change. Can you think of examples where you have achieved something this way? e.g.- saving up for something you want to purchase, getting to know a new friend.
From Little Things, Big Things Grow Exercise
Warn musicians not to think about this exercise musically – do not count beats!
One person starts a rhythm with one beat or sound (everyone follows). Each subsequent person adds one extra step (sound, beat), to extend the sequence. The facilitator keeps count of the number of successive sounds, so we increase one with each new person. (8-12 is about the average before it gets too difficult).
Emphasise the following:
• It is OK to play each rhythm really slowly before speeding up
• Allow each rhythm time to stabilise before adding the next note – relate this to the importance of consolidation between steps.
• It is OK to stop and try out some different patterns before becoming fluid in the new rhythm
• It is OK to ask for silence while you work out your next step
• It is OK to ask someone to help you recall the sequence so far and help you plan your next step
Note: these steps are also useful when we are working through change. Also, be sure to make it fun - it is not a test!
Discuss the way small steps can lead to great achievements, with relevance to personal growth. Use this exercise to look at ‘Goal Setting’ for individuals in relation to addressing a specific issue & moving forward in life. What are some of the small steps you might utilise to work towards the change you want to see in your life? What are some of the pressures faced by people as they try to change? How often to people struggle with change because they move too fast, often driven by other’s expectations? How easy is it to just give up/ How can we best help people with the change they are addressing?
Many people find themselves surrounded by people who struggle to contain their anger and frustration. An environment where people are constantly exposed to others aggression has a lasting impact on those close to them.
When people realise the emotional impact their social surroundings may have on them, they can take active steps to reduce its harm.
Don’t Stand So Close to Me
Ask the group to play a soft foundation rhythm
Choose one person to play to themselves a happy/uplifting/feel good rhythm over the top of the foundation.
Then ask the two people on either side of the happy player to start to play angrily and aggressively on their drum.
Examine what happened to the rhythm of the happy player and how they felt when the aggression started - how challenging was it to remain upbeat?
If they were able to maintain their positive attitude - explore how.
Extension
Try looking at how a positive, supportive environment can help lift someone who is feeling low.
Reverse the script, so that the nominated person plays sad and the two people on either side work to support and lift them.
Note - it is important for the players doing the support role to start off playing at the same emotional level to the sad individual between them (listening first) before trying to lift them out of their gloom.
Our thinking patterns (rhythms) have a big impact on how we see and negotiate the world and the people around us. Most of us have a way of looking at life that see things as broadly positive, there are set backs of course when we get disillusioned, but these periods don’t generally last that long. For others life is often viewed very negatively and this rhythm of thinking dominates their lives.
In positive psychology this is known as our ‘explanatory style’. People with an optimistic explanatory style tend to give themselves credit when good things happen, but typically blame outside forces for bad outcomes. They also tend to see negative events as temporary and atypical. On the other hand, individuals with a pessimistic explanatory style often blame themselves when bad things happen, but fail to give themselves adequate credit for successful outcomes. They have a tendency to view negative events as expected and lasting. Blaming yourself for events outside of your control or viewing these unfortunate events as a persistent part of your life can have a detrimental impact on your state of mind.
Positive thinking is linked to a wide range of health benefits including:
• Longer life span
• Less stress
• Lower rates of depression
• Increased resistance to the common cold
• Better stress management and coping skills
• Lower risk of cardiovascular disease-related death
• Increased physical well-being
• Better psychological health
‘Yes, I Can’
Ask each person in your group to think of one goal they often find themselves thinking that they can’t achieve.
Perhaps it is stopping drinking, or forming a good relationship, or passing an exam, making the sports team or being a good mum.
How does this frame of mind determine its own outcome?
How does it stack up against the idea of a life of learning and mistakes being learning opportunities?
Can you think of situations where you struggled initially but went on to succeed?
In this exercise we are going to practice the drum break - Fl BB, Fl BB, Fl. Standing for Yes, I can, Yes, I can, Yes!
Keeping your goal front of mind each-time we play the break.
Practice the break (not too fast). Then start a foundation rhythm and introduce it on a count 4,3,2,1
Invite individuals to bring in the break if they recognise this type of negative thinking sometimes gets them down – “count it in if you can relate to this” - 4,3,2,1
Do this several times and then finish with the break and people saying the words Yes, I can, Yes, I can, Yes!
Find Your Neighbours Strength – Sometimes we need others to alert us to our own strengths. Ask people to look to their neighbour (allocate a direction) and think about a strength you see in that person then play the ‘Find Your Strengths’ Game in the same way except when it is your turn, you will face your partner and say one strength you see in them, rather than your own. Finish in the same way by playing the break together and all shouting out the word 'Strengths'.
Note: it is sometimes good to do this in both directions so everyone can be complimented.
Discuss the concept of Strength-Based Practice and Positive Psychology. Helping people focus on their strengths and other people’s strengths improves self-esteem and improves relationships. This helps give some balance back to those who are overly self-critical and provides a platform of achievement for future growth. Those who are more aware of and better at utilising their strengths are markedly happier and more successful. Focusing on others’ strengths enable our relationships to be at their best.
There are six groups of strengths: 1. Wisdom & Knowledge: creativity, curiosity, open-mindedness, love of learning, perspective 2. Courage: bravery, persistence, integrity, zest 3. Love & Humanity: love, kindness, social intelligence 4. Justice: citizenship, fairness, leadership 5. Temperance: forgiveness and mercy, humility, prudence, self-control 6. Spirituality and Transcendence: appreciation of beauty & excellence, gratitude, hope,
FIND YOUR STRENGTHS
Ask people to look at a list of strengths (or use strength cards) and pick one area of strength - something they recognise in themselves, that they are good at, (if possible, convert to a one-word phrase). If it’s not on the chart, or card, they can identify something for themselves.
Play a foundation rhythm of your choice and teach the group how to count down to a break of B - B - BB – - (4,3,2,1, B-B-BB-). There is a one-count rest after the final Bass note before the rhythm resumes.
One at a time have each participant count down the rhythm and in this final gap they shout out their signature strength, before the group resume the foundation rhythm.
Finish with everyone counting down and yelling the word ‘Strengths’ in unison.
Discuss: What brings you to life? • What energises you? • What do you do that comes most easily to you? • On what do other people compliment you? • What is the very best in you? • When do you feel most you? In answering these questions, encourage people to reflect upon some specific, real-life situations where they have utilised one or more of the strengths listed.
When the music has become sparse and calming you can ask participants to think of just one or two things they would like to bring into their life and add these as additional notes – building the rhythm up again.
Recognising that it is not until we have made room for new opportunities by letting go of unnecessary thoughts and worries that we can bring these into our lives.
When we are able to let go of past resentments, anxieties, injustices, regrets and blame etc. we enable a way of moving on from adversity. The concept of acceptance in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy relates to accepting the past, making room for it, and learning from it, in order to move on from it. This differs, and is generally much safer, than many psychoanalytic therapies that delve into the past and use people's experiences to understand their current issues.
Preliminary Discussion - What are some of the smaller things in our lives we might be better letting go of?
‘Drop it’
You can use drums & percussion or Tonal Chimes (pentatonic scale - ACDEG) - hand these out. Explain that we will all start playing together at a certain tempo and that you will ask them to “make more space between their notes” (remove a note from their rhythm) by holding one finger high in the air. Give some examples of how a rhythm might sound as you pare back the notes.
Start the rhythm and after a little while have them remove one note (hold your finger up). Hold this new incarnation for a while and then ask them to remove a further note. Follow this routine until you have a sparse, ambient rhythm. Fade slowly away.
Discussion: Sometimes when we let things go we bring more clarity and peace into our lives. How easy is it to let go of things in your life that are stressing you or are not really necessary? What about the influence of others that might be hurting you in some way - can you let them go? What about your thoughts & feelings that bring you down - how might you reduce their influence? Discuss the use of mindful acceptance here.
4 On & 4 Off - Examining Risk
Pre-Discussion - Often we think of risk-taking as something negative, but growth across our lives generally involves a bit of risk - stepping out into the unknown, making yourself vulnerable and trying something new. What are some of the things you recall doing for the first time that involved some risk but were important to your own development?
In this exercise we are going to use the idea of taking a solo on your drum to represent the risks we may need to take at different times in our lives to move forward. But we will also mitigate that risk a little by having the rest of the group hold the Heartbeat for you during your solo. Often when we need to take risks we can put in place measures to ensure we don't fall too far if the risk fails (like a safety net.
Remind people of the basics of the Heartbeat rhythms, then layer in one at a time, allowing people to add their own accents to the Heartbeat foundation.
Heartbeat Solo exercise
Once they are happy improvising tell them that we will play eight rounds - e.g. 4 x the Heartbeat plus accents, and then four rounds of silence with just the Bass pulse & no accents – practice this a few times until they get the timing.
Once comfortable with this sequence (you can still count what round they are up to so they all know when the gap is coming), get them to improvise in pairs in the four rounds of silence – one pair at a time, before everyone returns for the next 4 bars. Then move to individual solos.
Discuss with the group how it felt to go out on a limb, and the types of risks they can envisage needing to take into the future. How important was the group holding the Bass pulse for you?
What are some of things you might do to reduce the consequences of taking these risks if they don't come off as planned?
Try not to use technical musical language – notation etc. – just help them get a feel for the timing.
A Few Good Friends
Note - Not everyone will succeed in this exercise, some may only find one person - when there is a lot of chaos around you it can be difficult to find those people who are strong and steady.
Discuss the importance of having people who are stable and who you trust, who you can turn to when times are uncertain and you need advice or support. Who might those people be? What do we mean by stable? Where might you turn if you had no one like this in your life? What would you be listening for?
This is also a useful ‘sound localisation’ exercise for people who struggle with identifying where sound is coming from and react inappropriately at times.
One person is blindfolded and told they have to come into the circle and find the two or three people playing steady Bass rhythms. Everyone else will play chaotically and randomly (not too loud). Start by everyone playing chaotically and choose the Bass players to begin. Finally bring the chosen participant into the circle to attempt the challenge.
Post Discussion: What might help? Remind them of the Bass analogy representing healthy relationships and healthy values. Sometimes if we can’t get help from others, we may have to come back to trusting ourselves & following our own values
This exercise is often used to assist people understand what it feels like for people with sensory processing difficulties who often become overwhelmed by sounds and other stimuli we take for granted.
Balance is an important factor in life generally, and physical balance is a particular challenge for certain populations in relation to proprioception (our sensory awareness of the body). Many individuals with sensory integration issues, physical challenges, and the elderly face challenges related to proprioception. Additionally balance is closely associated with grounding and good balance often equates to a sense of physical and emotional stability.
Balance Me
Have a select number of your group enter the middle of the circle (3 or 4). On a specific signal from the drum they must change their stance (you may wish to write these on the white-board):
• One Bass note - stand on one leg
• Two Bass notes - swap from one leg to the other
• One Tone note – stand on one leg with the other at 90 degrees
• Two Tone notes – ‘Karate Kid’ Pose
• Three notes Bass or Tone – rest.
One at a time, each remaining member of the group plays one of the signals on their drum & the people in the middle respond. Adapt these movements to the capacity of your group members.
Once the exercise is completed note whether people used each other for balance or not. If not ask them to try the exercise again this time using each other for support.
Discuss the importance of balance to health, including both physical & psychological health. How do you know when your life is out of balance? How might friends help keep your life in balance? How does our need for independence impact the balance in our life?
Note – you can adapt the different postures to meet the physical capacity of your group members.
Find your voice.
Ensure people have pen & paper.
Using the universal heartbeat rhythm (B B - -) as a back-beat, participants, working in pairs or groups of three (sitting next to each other), come up with a short RAP Rhyme to punctuate the 2-beat silence in-between each double Bass pulse. The theme can be of anything relevant to the participants circumstances e.g. self-belief/survival /friendship/overcoming adversity etc.
Each pair contribute at least two verses (8 lines or more). The final verse should have a ray of hope in it.
Space out the Heartbeat rhythm (B B) and showcase an example (e.g. B B When I'm low B B I've got no flow B B And all my friends B B Don't wanna’ know).
After about 6-10 minutes check to see each pair has their verses.
Then bring the circle together and each pair, either raps one line each or they can rap their lines together. Start the pulse (B B - -) and layer in each vocal part around the circle, one at a time between the Bass notes – if it sounding good repeat. Note some people find it easier to stop playing while they say their lyrics – offer this as an option.
Part 2. Then see if the group can agree on a group chorus from one contribution (preferably uplifting) and start again, this time adding the chorus between each groups' contribution.
Discuss the way music impacts people’s lives and the way lyrics can inspire the best from people and lead to social change. Has anyone got a favourite lyric to share that has had a big impact on them?
Slowing Down
Start off with a rhythm that verges on the edge of complexity for the level of your client or groups ability e.g. Fl Fl, BbB, OoOoO
And play this at a reasonably fast tempo, so that many will struggle.
At regular intervals slow the rhythm just a little. Repeat this process until you are playing the same rhythm at a pace where everyone can join in successfully.
Ask the client or group to continue while you stop.
Then rejoin and add a clap after the five tones - this can symbolise either the ease with which we can be overloaded in life by taking on additional tasks (if people lose their way when you add the clap) or how it is only when we slow down that we can successfully take on additional tasks, (if they can successfully incorporate the clap).
Then ask them to stop.
Post group discussion
What did you notice as the rhythm slowed?
How often do seemingly complex problems become solvable when we slow things down? Can you think of any examples?
How did your awareness change of other things around you as the rhythm slowed?
Do you think this has any relevance to the quality of your relationships?
What might you do to reduce the complexity and speed of your life when you feel a loss of control?
Many of the problems people face in their lives are connected to avoiding painful memories, sensations and feelings, often linked to traumatic events from the past. Acceptance teaches us to learn to live with what we can’t change (remember the serenity prayer) and confront our problems by taking actions to improve our lives in accordance with our values.
We can also use mindfulness to separate the present from the past and seperate our thoughts and feelings from our true selves. We can look dispassionately at our thoughts, feelings, sensations as if viewing them from afar, so that they no longer control us.
Note - ACT does not mean we ask clients to accept every situation (e.g., abusive relationships), but that some circumstances should ultimately be accepted (i.e., physical reality or historical events), should be accepted for now, should be accepted with expectation of eventual change, or should be changed now.
ACCEPTANCE
From a list of feelings, ask your client or the members of your group to pick one they recognise in themselves as a challenge to deal with, and one they often avoid - shame, grief, despair, anger, jealousy, etc.
The client (or one person at a time in a group situation) is asked to express that emotion as a phrase on their drum and once defined repeat it.
The counsellor plays along in a supportive role - holding a foundation.
The client is then asked to incorporate that phrase into a rhythm that represents their day to day life - something steady, stable and not overtly emotional - for instance B O B O or BbOo - adding the feeling phrase to their daily rhythm in a way that allows their daily rhythm to continue unabated but with added texture.
Once the extended rhythm is stabilised the counsellor (or group) combine to play it together.
Discussion
What are some of the thoughts, feelings, sensations, memories you’d most like to get rid of?
What strategies have you used to do that & how successful have they been?
All of us have histories and conditioning from the past that impacts our behaviour and thus our lives in unconscious ways. These generally stem from the disempowered world of the child.
In order to live our lives fully and to function as autonomous members of society we need to recognise these influences, observe them in our daily lives, for good or for worse, that keep resurfacing.
In order to break free of these histories we have to bring them to consciousness. This often means facing our childhood fears and the lethargy of inaction.
Breaking Free Exercise
Ask people to think about some of these unconscious behaviours they recognise in themselves, that maybe negatively impacting their lives or relationships.
Some common issues maybe:
I am not good enough, so I have low expectations, avoid risk, keep a low profile, and maybe tend to self-sabotage
My child self was neglected, so I make up for it by seeking power through material acquisition or power over others
I compensate for feelings of neglect and insecurity through the constant need for reassurance from others
Other addictive patterns that fill the want within - compensating for the pain of loss.
Choose a simple rhythm and make it clear that this symbolises these reoccurring, historically driven, behaviours we have discussed.
As they play the rhythm (together or in one to one work with you as their therapist) ask them to name these patterns (taking responsibility).
Then ask them to break away from the rhythm (the facilitator/therapist maintains the original rhythm) into a new pattern of their own. This can be challenging - tell people to use their Bass notes (values) to give direction to their new pattern.
As the new rhythm grows in confidence, the facilitator should fade theirs away.
Discussion
How did that feel? What helped you find the courage to break free? How important was first taking ownership of the original rhythm?
What might assist you break free from these problematic patterns in real life?
Introducing a four Bass break to affirm four core values or four things that offer people stability in their lives, that the group have earlier decided upon.
This video showcases the exercise ‘Attention’ with a focus on bringing a heightened awareness to negative thoughts, relationships and environments, as a means of interrupting our habitual, conditioned behavioural responses and increasing our ability to respond more flexibly to different situations.
Using the drum to express feelings of loss.
Emphasising no right way or wrong way to do this and ensuring the facilitator are also involved, so that the client does not become too exposed (self-conscious).
You can do this in groups or in one to one counselling. (You can sit side by side or opposite. One person asks their client to play through the emotional content of a particular experience, memory or just a time period (e.g. the week since they last met) – “Express this week on the drum, taking your time and using the drum as a safe & secure container into which you release these feelings”. Avoid words. The facilitator emphasises only slow shifts between moods so that they can be mirrored easily. Then the person playing the client starts and the other person mirrors (replicates) their drumming. Avoid eye contact – focus on the playing. At the end of the clients drumming the facilitator may look to confirm feelings that they recognised during the exercise, and expand on this if the client is comfortable.
In groups, any individual can volunteer to play through their feeling on their drum in relation to a significant event in their lives, and the group may mirror that music in a show of empathy and support. There is no requirement to discuss the event at all. It is very important to have the experience to help people manage feelings that may surface during this exercise.
Discussion: How did people feel who were being supported? How important is it to find constructive ways to release your feelings? Can sharing these with friends help? Many cultures move away from words to express feelings - why might that be? How important is it to have others recognise & empathise with your feelings? How often do you find that words don’t really do justice, or say what you want to say in regard, to your feelings?
Bring the group in close and if possible arrange people so that each person leans towards the person on their right until their head rests on that person’s shoulder (ensure people are comfortable with this form of contact). Then one person should start with the word ‘ha’ and each person should follow quickly with an additional ‘ha’ to the number the person before them voiced for example, ha, ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha. If someone gets it wrong or interrupts the sequence you start again from the beginning.
The group should end up giggling.
How important is it to have someone in your life who can make you laugh? How important is it for you to see the lighter side of life? How easy is it for you to laugh at yourself? Why do we sometimes take pleasure in laughing at others, and is that OK?
Use a simple and very soft Bass pulse (40–60 bpm) or the Rhythmic Wave exercise as the focal point for this awareness exercise. Give instructions in a mellow, clear voice, speaking slowly and in time to the rhythm. Remember, the script below is just a guide – make it your own.
• Relax your body.
• Adjust your body until you feel comfortable and relaxed. You may wish to close your eyes or focus on one spot. Focus on and relax any tension in your neck, shoulders, chest, arms, hands, back, hips, thighs, lower legs, feet.
• Slow your breathing – focus on your breath, in and out, aligning it to the pulse, becoming still.
• Now focus solely on sounds. Listen to the Bass note of the rhythm first.
• Listen to it in all its dimensions – tone, pitch, frequency. Listen to it in its primacy as pure sound, rather than naming it.
• If other thoughts come to mind, acknowledge them briefly and move your focus back to the sound of the Bass note.
• If you feel comfortable let the vibrations of the Bass note move through your body, grounding you.
• Breathe gently, slowly.
• Let those vibrations travel down to your feet and exit into the floor, connecting you to the earth.
• Now focus on any other sounds. Experience loud and soft sounds, obvious and not so obvious sounds and the gap between sounds.
• Try and avoid categorising these sounds, but experience them as raw energy. If other thoughts come to mind, acknowledge them briefly and move your focus back to the sounds of your environment.
• Breathe gently, slowly.
• Slowly come back to a focus on the Bass.
• Hold your focus on the Bass and allow the volume to slowly fade away.
If possible, sit in silence for 40–60 seconds or if part of the Rhythmic Wave exercise, you can move back into the improvised rhythm play you started from.
Hand out Tonal chimes (you can use a combination of drums and percussion as an alternative) to half the group and ask them to focus on giving the gift of their music to the other half. Let them play together for around 3-4 minutes. Ask the other half to sit back in a comfortable position and focus on receiving with generosity.
Then swap roles.
Discussion: What insights can you draw from this exercise about the challenges of giving and receiving? Who judged their gift as not adequate? How often do we undervalue what we have to offer others? How difficult was it to receive without judgement? How easy is it for some people to give to the point of exhaustion? What if I had let one half give more (time wise) than the other -would you have felt short-changed?
Note – This can be a good exercise to look at issues of staff burnout. It is also very relevant for elderly and disabled people who must rely on others for physical care.
You can use drums & percussion or Tonal Chimes (pentatonic scale - ACDEG) - hand these out. Explain that we will all play at a certain tempo and that you will ask them to “make more space between their notes” (remove a note from their rhythm) by holding one finger high in the air. Give some examples of how a rhythm might sound as you pare back the notes.
Start the rhythm and after a little while have them remove one note (hold your finger up). Hold this new incarnation for a while and then ask them to remove a further note. Follow this routine until you have a sparse, ambient rhythm. Fade slowly away.
Discussion: Sometimes when we let things go we bring more clarity and peace into our lives. How easy is it to let go of things in your life that are stressing you or are not really necessary? What about the influence of others that might be hurting you in some way - can you let them go? What about your thoughts & feelings that bring you down - how might you reduce their influence? Discuss the use of mindful acceptance here.
Addition: Sometimes when the music has become sparse and calming you can ask participants to think of just one or two things they would like to bring into their life and add these as additional notes – building the rhythm up again.
Ask the individual or participants you are working with to come up with one good thing in their lives – give examples (it may be their friends, or it could be something as fundamental as still being alive). Ask them to come up with one positive thing that has happened to them this week, then narrow it down to today (e.g. ‘It wasn’t raining’ or ‘I got here safely’).
Introduce ‘Call and Response’ and showcase one specific pattern that will serve as representing the positive things that happen to people in their lives. If you play that rhythm people must play a loud accent note – fl,fl – on their instrument to mark it. Other rhythms are to be responded to normally as a direct echo.
Start the game and throw in the chosen part sporadically and in ways that may be hard to hear (low volume, different hand technique).
Discuss the challenges of staying positive and the ‘Losada principle 3:1’, which states that we need to hear three positives to balance one negative in order to maintain a healthy self-concept. Why are we often over-conscious of the negatives in life? How can we train ourselves to focus more on what is going right?
Note: Some groups choose to start each session with this exercise as a way of reinforcing the practice of staying positive.
Choose one person in the group as the controller – the controller can denote who plays and who doesn’t. (In individual sessions the counsellor takes on this role.)
Agree as a group on two signals – one for PLAY and one for STOP. The controller can direct the entire group or an individual.
The rules are firm – you may only play at the invitation of the controller and must stop playing when they ask you to.
The controller should either begin a rhythm or ask someone to begin and the exercise extends from there, with people being directed to start or stop at the whim of the controller.
What did it feel like to be controlled like that by somebody else? Were there feelings of resentment towards the controller? Did you find yourself becoming frustrated? Can you recall other situations where you were at the mercy of others’ power (be sensitive here)? How healthy is it when one person exercises complete power over another? When might it be acceptable? When do you think it might be destructive? In situations where you know you have no power, say when you are stuck in traffic, how important is patience? What about acceptance – how can developing patience and acceptance improve your outcomes in situations like these?
Taking steps towards an objective.
A fun game that extends from one note.
Remember to slow down the more note (steps) we take the more we may need to slow down and consolidate.
Sometimes we may even need to stop to work out what our next step will be.
Ask one person to come up with an upbeat (positive) melody on their drum and then have the person sitting next to them play something downbeat (depressive). Watch for changes in the emotional content of either player. Add additional players one at a time to increase the level of negativity and explore how this impacts the mood of the initial upbeat drummer.
How can you maintain your positivity in the face of others who may be cynical or angry?
These two approaches can also be played out between a counsellor and their client.
Adaption
Reverse the exercise so that one influences the other in a positive way (start off with a sad or despondent drummer and expose them to uplifting rhythms one at a time).
How does having positive people around you improve your situation? Are there some people you can’t lift?
Introduce the metaphor of a beach ball representing our feelings and emotions and asking people to support each other by keeping those feelings up – keeping the imaginary beach ball in the air using rumble energy. Say: ‘We start as a group lifting the ball as high as we can with our combined energy and then lowering it as low as we can before raising it to a median level, all the time tracking it with our eyes.’
Discuss the challenges of staying positive and the support we can give each other in keeping our spirits up.
In individual work, I have found this exercise useful in helping clients express how they are feeling and exploring the same concepts but with a more personal focus.
In this game, the group rotates in one direction with two chairs on opposite ends of the circle nominated as ‘Struggle Stop’ and ‘Struggle Start’. Identify everyone’s dominant (strong) hand and have them recognise when they reach the ‘Struggle Start’ chair that they must play with their non-dominant hand; when they reach the ‘Struggle Stop’ chair they can revert back to their dominant hand. So at any one time half the group is struggling with their weaker hand while the other half is managing OK, drumming with their strong hand. Advise them that they have the option to just hit the Bass note if they feel they are losing their way in ‘Struggle territory’.
Begin a one-handed rhythm with half the group playing with their ‘strong’ hand and half with their ‘weaker’ hand, depending on where they are sitting in relation to the two nominated chairs. Make sure the rhythm isn’t too hard or too easy; B – O – B B O O works well. Vary the tempo to get the right level of difficulty – playing it with your non-dominant hand should be a struggle! Rotate seats using a drum-call or countdown, with each person in the ‘Struggle Start’ half playing with their weaker hand and continuing to do so until they reach the ‘Struggle Stop’ chair. Swap regularly so that each person gets a chance to experience the different sides
What did it feel like when you were struggling with your weaker arm? Did you feel unconnected? Did anyone give up the struggle and just hit the Bass? How different was it when you gave up the struggle? Are their areas in your life that you are always struggling with? How hard would it be to accept these and give up fighting against them? Does giving up the struggle mean you can’t change things? Acceptance is not necessarily resignation. How can we recognise what is worth the struggle and what might be better approached in a more passive way?
You can find these soft-toys in the 'pet section' of most supermarkets.
They are a wonderful way to lighten the mood and reduce resistance.
First make a list on the white-board of the sort of things that ostracise people or lead to setbacks in their lives – they can be drawn from real experience.
Take every second person out of the circle and have them sit down in the middle of the circle (creating a mini circle themselves with each person facing their empty chair).
Showcase the 4/4 rhythm B b O o – the three Bass notes represent ‘love them’ and the three Tones ‘leave them’[AQ]. Explain to the group that you will all play this rhythm and count down to stop (4, 3, 2, 1, STOP). In the gap the people on each side of an empty chair can choose to love them or leave them by playing either the Tone three times (leave them – they stay down and out) or the Bass three times (love them – they return) in the gap before you all return to the rhythm. But both players (either side of the empty chair) must play the three Basses if the person is to return and they can’t communicate their intentions with each other – if only one plays the Basses and the other plays Tones, the person stays down and out.
Start the rhythm and go in one direction focusing on one empty chair at a time, i.e. each time you STOP, only the players on either side of the empty chair can respond.
How did it feel to be down and out in the middle? Did having others with you make a difference? How did it feel to be welcomed back? What about the feeling of being denied back? How hard is it to be generous to others when they are down on their luck? What gets in the way?
This exercise is done within a group in pairs or between a counsellor and their client.
Turn towards each other and place your palms together with only slight pressure at around shoulder height. Choose one person to lead and one to follow. The leader should move his/her hand slowly around the range of his/her arm extension while the follower maintains the same palm-to-palm contact (with the slight pressure required). Demonstrate if possible.
After a short period ask people to vary speed and then swap roles.
Discuss how it felt to lead and follow in this relationship and extend this concept into general or more intimate relationships. How did the pace of movement influence the connection? What about the consistency of the leader’s movements? Did anyone lose contact? Why? How important was it to maintain some pressure? How does this connect to your experience of leading or following in relationships? Have you experienced relationships where you spent much of the time following or leading? How satisfying were these? How do we ensure balance in relationships?
Give out a number to each person.
Ask for a volunteer to be blindfolded.
They must find their seat, which will be in a different place once the group relocate, using people playing their number on their drum.
You can also do this by having people playing a different percussion instrument each - noting the sequence and then finding their chair by recognising where the gap is.
Divide the group into two halves and tell them that the idea is to play eight Tone notes as a group in total (in time with the Bass pulse, which lies on the first note of every four beats – the first note of the bar) followed by an eight-beat break of silence and continue this pattern. Practise this nice and slowly – four notes each (eight in total) until it flows easily.
Then stop and tell them that now every time they play, each half will have a different share of the eight notes. One half will start with seven and work down to one while the other half will start with one and work up to seven, holding the eight-note silence between each change.
Allocate who starts with one and who starts with seven and proceed.
Note: For younger children I write the two combinations in their seven different combinations on the white-board – this helps those less certain of their arithmetic.
Advanced
One half only plays Bass notes and the other half only plays Tones, and add tonal chimes (pentatonic scale) or other percussion instruments in the eight-note rest. This will require some false starts until people get the idea.
How much of getting the balance right in a relationship comes down to focused attention? How important is cooperation and collaboration in balanced relationships? Can you think of examples where people in relationships complement (balance) each other? What are the signs of a relationship that is out of balance?
Divide the group into two halves and pass out two parts to each half of the group (or between a counsellor and the individual they are working with) to be played in a sequence that balances the parts.
Timing 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4
Part 1 begins B - B b O o O -
Part 2 answers O o O - O o O -
Part 1 repeats B - B b O o O -
Part 2 completes O o O o O - - -
Continue this four-part dialogue as a rhythm – lower the volume and ask people to focus on the balance between these parts and how they complement each other.
Explore the different ways the two parts balance or complement each other and connect it to balance in life. What would happen if one half of the rhythm started to dominate the other? Who has had experiences like this where they were out of balance in a part of their life, or in a relationship? How do you get that balance back? Is it realistic to expect such balance?
Use a simple and very soft Bass pulse (40–60 bpm) or the Rhythmic Wave exercise as the focal point for this awareness exercise. Give instructions in a mellow, clear voice, speaking slowly and in time to the rhythm. Remember, the script below is just a guide – make it your own.
• Relax your body.
• Adjust your body until you feel comfortable and relaxed. You may wish to close your eyes or focus on one spot. Focus on and relax any tension in your neck, shoulders, chest, arms, hands, back, hips, thighs, lower legs, feet.
• Slow your breathing – focus on your breath, in and out, aligning it to the pulse, becoming still.
• Now focus solely on sounds. Listen to the Bass note of the rhythm first.
• Listen to it in all its dimensions – tone, pitch, frequency. Listen to it in its primacy as pure sound, rather than naming it.
• If other thoughts come to mind, acknowledge them briefly and move your focus back to the sound of the Bass note.
• If you feel comfortable let the vibrations of the Bass note move through your body, grounding you.
• Breathe gently, slowly.
• Let those vibrations travel down to your feet and exit into the floor, connecting you to the earth.
• Now focus on any other sounds. Experience loud and soft sounds, obvious and not so obvious sounds and the gap between sounds.
• Try and avoid categorising these sounds, but experience them as raw energy. If other thoughts come to mind, acknowledge them briefly and move your focus back to the sounds of your environment.
• Breathe gently, slowly.
• Slowly come back to a focus on the Bass.
• Hold your focus on the Bass and allow the volume to slowly fade away.
If possible, sit in silence for 40–60 seconds or if part of the Rhythmic Wave exercise, you can move back into the improvised rhythm play you started from.
This exercise can also be done using Tonal Chimes