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Out of Tune Out of Time - It's Not A Crime!
Tolerating and accepting Dissonance in Others and in our Music.
Rumble on your drum if you have ever felt a bit out of sync with those around you - you don’t quite fit in. We have all felt like this at times - yet for some people, not fitting in is a cause of them being victimised
by others and hurt either physically or emotionally. Why do we sometimes find it hard to tolerate people who are different?
In music sometimes when people are out of tune or out of time it can be irritating but equally it can add something different to a sound that can sometimes get a bit repetitive. Often great musicians use dissonance this way - to add to the dynamism of the piece.
In this exercise we will ask one or two people to play in a different rhythm (3, 5 or 7time) to the rest of us
(4 time - B B - -) and try and control our irritation, while seeing whether we can accept their part as part of our group rhythm. If we change our outlook, it can help us see people who are different in a new light.
And maybe when you feel a bit out of place other people will be more accepting of you.
4 Time B B - - B B - - B B - - B B - -
3 Time B O o O B O o O B O o O B O o O B O o O etc.
5 Time B O O O Fl B O O O Fl B O O O Fl etc.
7 Time B O o O O o O O o O B O o O O o O O o O etc.
B = Bass O = Tone Fl = Flam
Discussion: Did you notice that no matter what your timing, there will still be moments when we connect. How hard was it to learn to accept some discord? How important is tolerance in your relationships with other people?
Note: This exercise can also be done with chimes – adding a dissonant B or F note to a pentatonic set.
Moving away from the conditioned responses of the past
All of us have histories and conditioning from the past that impacts our behaviour and thus our lives in
unconscious ways. These generally stem from the disempowered world of the child. In order to live our
lives fully and to function as autonomous members of society we need to recognise these influences,
observe them in our daily lives, for good or for worse, that keep resurfacing. In order to break free of
these histories we have to bring them to consciousness. This often means facing our childhood fears and
the lethargy of inaction.
Breaking Free Exercise
Ask people to think about some of these unconscious behaviours they recognise in themselves, that
maybe negatively impacting their lives or relationships.
Some common issues maybe:
} I am not good enough, so I have low expectations, avoid risk, keep a low profile, and maybe
tend to self-sabotage
} My child self was neglected, so I make up for it by seeking power through material
acquisition or power over others
} I compensate for feelings of neglect and insecurity through the constant need for
reassurance from others
} Other addictive patterns that fill the want within - compensating for the pain of loss.
Choose a simple rhythm and make it clear that this symbolises these reoccurring, historically driven,
behaviours we have discussed.
As they play the rhythm (together, or in one-to-one work with you as their therapist) ask them to name
these patterns (taking responsibility).
Then ask them to break away from the rhythm (the facilitator/therapist maintains the original rhythm)
without losing total connection, but moving away into a new pattern of their own.
Fade away to close.
Discussion
How did that feel? What helped you find the courage to break free? How important was first taking
ownership of the original rhythm? How might you do a similar thing with these problematic patterns in
real life?
Pre-discussion
Anger is often a normal part of grief, where we may feel betrayed, let-down or abandoned.
These are normal feelings.
What is forgiveness and why is it so hard? Why is it often important not to forget the wrongs that have
occurred in our lives?
Forgiveness, as an act of acceptance, is not forgetting or condoning the harm that has been done; instead, it
is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment, towards
ourselves and others. Forgiveness is simply about understanding that every one of us is both inherently good
and inherently flawed (Desmond Tutu)
When the unchangeable past is accepted, then the focus can move from pain and resistance to forgiveness,
healing, and progress in recovery.
Forgiveness Exercise
Teach the 7-bar break:
TIMING 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4
Drum Phrase 1 B b O - B b O - B b O o O o O -
Drum Phrase 2 B b O o O o O - B b O - - - - -
I Forgive, Not Forget - I am Learning to Accept”
I am Learning to Forgive and Accept”
Ask people to think of someone and something that they may hold negative thoughts about such as
blame or resentment - it may be someone who has wronged them or critical thoughts they hold about
themselves. In this exercise if they feel up to initiating thoughts of forgiveness towards these individuals
or themselves, they should initiate the break. There is no need to discuss the actual situation that led to this
position, but it can be a useful lead into deeper analysis where warranted.
Start a simple rhythm and count in the break (4,3,2,1 …). Play the break to symbolise the affirmation,
before going back to the foundation rhythm and someone new initiating the break anew. Do this several
times and finish with people saying and playing the break at the same time. You may want to write the
words of the affirmation on a whiteboard.
R2R TRAINING WORKBOOK VOLUME 2: MUSIC FOR SOCIAL & EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT 59
Post Discussion.
What are the benefits of forgiveness? How can we practice this to gain these rewards for ourselves
and those around us?
According to recent meta-analyses on the effects of forgiveness therapy, forgiveness helped to minimise aspects
of negative affect such as depression, anger, hostility, stress, and distress (Akhtar & Barlow, 2018).
Self-forgiveness is not about letting yourself off the hook, nor is it a sign of weakness. The act of forgiveness,
whether you are forgiving yourself or someone who has wronged you, does not suggest that you are condoning
the behaviour. To forgive yourself, you should:
} Understand your emotions - particularly the difference between guilt and shame
} Accept responsibility for what happened
} Treat yourself with kindness and compassion
} Express remorse for your mistakes
} Make amends and apologise (including apologising to yourself)
} Look for ways to learn from the experience
} Focus on making better choices in the future
Forgiveness means that you accept the behaviour, you accept what has happened, and you are willing to move
past it and move on with your life without ruminating over past events that cannot be changed.
There are times when all of us have been thoughtless, selfish or cruel. But no act is unforgivable; no person is
beyond redemption.
Desmond Tutu
If Our Rhythms Don’t Meet, You Don’t Have to Bring Your Heat
Many people struggle with rejection, the antithesis to the human need for social connection, recognition, love and belonging. And it is normal to sometimes feel intense feelings of hurt and sadness when people
turn away from us. Most of us can manage these feelings, understanding that not everyone is suited to each other, (not everyone’s rhythms align) and find companionship elsewhere.
However, for some people theses feelings manifest into shame, anger and violence. The rejection becomes highly personalised and the feelings intensify and become all consuming to a point where they are beyond rational control.
‘Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria’ is one form of this issue impacting many
people.
And a significant amount of violence towards women, and partner violence generally, stems from these uncontrolled emotions.
Pre-Discussion: Rumble on your drum if you’ve felt the pain of rejection. Rumble on your drum if that has led to anger. What are some of the ways you might experience rejection? How easy is it to see this as a
personal affront/attack rather than just a normal part of life? What are some of the feelings you get when you’re rejected by others? How difficult do you find it to manage these feelings? Does understanding that
very few people get along with everyone, and it’s normal for many relationships in peoples lives not to work out make sense to you? If we recognise this perhaps we don’t need to take it so personally, and start
to take more responsibility for our feelings rather than blame others.
If our rhythms don’t meet exercise
TIMING 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4
Part 1 - Words - If Our Rhythms Don’t Meet You Don’t Have to bring your Heat
Part 1 - Drum B B O o O o B B O o O o O
Part 2 - Words It’s Going to make you blue But don’t let those feelings stew
Part 2 - Drum B B O o O o B B O o O o O
Write the break up on the white-board and discuss. Practice the break several times.
Divide the group in two and separate them slightly.
Give one group a rhythm in four time, e.g.
B O o O o O
And the other half a rhythm in three time, e.g.
B O o O
(These rhythms will meet every 3 or 4 bars depending on which part you are playing).
Help the group recognise when they meet by giving a shout on that connecting Bass note.
Put the rhythms together and then introduce the break, by stopping together on the connecting Bass
note.
Finish by saying and playing the break at the same time
Discussion: We saw in this exercise how hard it is to always find harmony with others, but that doesn’t
mean we need to blame each other or get angry, even though we all felt the frustration when the rhythms
didn’t meet. What are some ways we can manage these feelings of rejection, frustration, shame and
anger? How can we remind ourselves not to take it too personally and respect other peoples decisions
to walk away from us even when it hurts? How does this relate to valuing and respecting each other in
relationships?
Variation
Divide the group in two and separate them slightly.
Choose one person from each side to develop a rhythm of their choice, teaching and then leading their
half of the group - don’t discuss timing or mention the Bass connection!
Put the rhythms together (sometimes they will harmonise, sometimes not, just like our relationships with
different people). Stop the group, every so often, and bring in the break.
I’m Me, He’s He, And there’s Plenty of Room for Diversity
What moves your life forward & what moves it backwards?
Backwards & Forwards
This can be used to look at a wide range of issues where one set of actions moves you towards a positive
goal and another takes you on a less useful (possibly destructive) path, e.g.:
} Healthy Relationships
} Relapse (from drug dependency)
} Personal confidence
} Violence
} Happiness
} Grief
Choose a direction around the circle for forwards and the opposite for backwards. Everyone starts by
playing the Heartbeat rhythm together. The facilitator starts with an air-bump towards the person next
to them in the backwards direction saying one thing from the negative (backwards) column as they do so
– that then stops them playing - this sequence is continued around the circle in the backwards direction
until only the last person is playing (isolated and alone).
Then move in the opposite direction (forwards) this time with a fist bump or high five while saying
something positive to bring your neighbour into the rhythm. This starts to connect the group – and so
the process repeats until all are connected.
Discussion - Finish by emphasising the different elements that undermine connection and negativity
impact our intention and those that cement it.
This exercise is used to look at empathy and how understanding the impact of bullying can help us
respond better in supporting victims. What is empathy? The ability to understand and share the feelings
of another.
Elements of Empathy:
} Observe
} Tune In
} Relate
} Connect
} Reach Out
Imagine It Was You - Use the ‘Rumble If….’
The facilitator should describe a number of experiences (related to loss or victimisation) and ask the
group to rumble on their drum if they can identify with each of the emotions that might be garnered for
an individual experiencing that event. The group rumble in empathy with the individuals in the scenarios
and then name the emotions they may have felt.
Examples:
1. Rumble if you can imagine how it might feel to have very few friends - What might you be
feeling?
2. Rumble if you can imagine how it might feel to not know where your next meal is coming
from - What might you be feeling?
3. Rumble if you can, imagine how it might feel if you felt everyone was laughing at you - What
might you be feeling?
After giving some examples ask the students to come up with their own scenarios
Discuss the concept of empathy.
} What is empathy?
} How does it affect the way we act towards others?
} What if people have little empathy, how do they act?
} How hard is it to have a respectful relationship with someone with little empathy for
others?
} What might help someone to develop more empathy?
Begin by discussing how different communities’ initiate youth into adulthood and why.
Using the white-board, draw up two columns - ‘Community Responsibilities’ & ‘Individual Freedoms’
Examine and name a list of important community responsibilities followed by individual freedoms.
Represent the former by the Bass note (we all have a responsibility to meet here) and represent individual
freedom on the edge of the drum (give people the freedom to play accents on the edge of the drum
however they wish).
Start a Bass pulse and allow people to join as they wish.
After a little while repeat without the Bass and look at what happens to community and relationships
generally without recognition of our obligations towards each other and our environment.
Note: This is a useful exercise in family therapy where we look at family obligations, and how they support trust
and stability.
First discuss the types of situations that give rise to people feeling “trapped’. Maybe trapped in an uninspiring
job, or by others’ expectations, or in an unhealthy relationship or by a lack of financial resources, etc.
One person volunteers to go into the middle blindfolded.
Start a rhythm phrase going around the circle one drum at a time and ensure you have a range of
percussion as well as drums. The players, play one at a time, not together, and play the same sound
each time it goes around. The volunteer is encouraged carefully to listen to the group. After 3 – 4 rounds
remove the volunteer from the circle and indicate to one player to remove themselves and their chair
from the circle, silently, leaving a clear exit space.
Bring the volunteer back to the middle of the circle – this time their aim is to identify the hole in the circle
as the players repeat the sequence and leave the circle via that open space.
Discuss
What does it feel like to be trapped and not know where to turn?
What can help you find a way out when you feel trapped?
Sometimes you are blind to the road to escape but others can see. Sometimes you need to listen carefully
and trust your instincts. Sometimes you need to consider all the options before choosing a way out.
Go back to some of the scenarios your participants mentioned before and come up with some ideas for
escape.
Alternatively One person is blindfolded in the middle of the circle and a hole made in the circle ( a player
removes themselves and their chair silently). The blindfolded player must find the escape route with the
help of the remaining participants who play their drums softly when they are far from the escape route
and increase the volume as the person nears the escape route.
Discuss the importance of kindness and its reciprocal nature - kindness generates kindness in return.
In todays world it’s easy to focus on our own needs and undervalue the needs of others. We can forget that in this world we all need each other.
Ask for examples where people have helped out a friend or a stranger and felt the reward that entailed or when they have been helped out themselves.
In this exercise we are going to add a break
Are you OK? - Oo O O. Followed by Can I help? - Fl,Fl,Fl
We play around a foundation rhythm and then bring in the break - returning to the rhythm after a one count rest.
Finish by saying and playing the break at the same time
Discuss: What are some of the simple ways we can show kindness towards others? What makes it sometimes hard to offer help to others? What makes it hard to ask for help when you might need it?
Are you in or Are you out?
In this game three people start by playing a rhythm together.
Note: 2 – 3 people should be playing at all times.
Then one person is chosen and can either invite another group member to join the rhythm through a nod of the head in their direction and mouthing the words ‘come on in’, or exclude someone by shaking
their head towards someone already playing and mouthing the word ‘Stop’.
If you choose to exclude someone, then you must follow up by inviting someone new to join.
Each time a new person enters the rhythm they can invite one other person to join with a nod (come on in) or exclude someone (stop playing) with a shake of their head (you can exclude an existing player or
someone waiting to join).
Each playing member can only invite or exclude one other member each.
Ask people to focus on their feelings when they include or exclude someone or have that done to themselves by another.
Discussion:
How did it feel to be included or excluded? What sort of things lead to people being excluded? How hard is it to be generous towards others and include them when others are excluding them? How easy is it to
include those who are going through tough times?
When you exclude someone do you reveal something about yourself?
Are there times it might be wise to exclude someone?
Gossip - This exercise focuses on the way rumours spread and the damage they cause.
Start a relatively complex pattern on your drum (in your head use that to represent an innocent statement such as “Amber said she really likes spending time with James” and then send it around the room - watch
how it changes.
Play the final interpretation back to the group and explain that what I said originally was something innocent, but that as it spread it changed to something hurtful (“Amber is sleeping with James” or find
your own suitable example).
Discuss the impact of rumours on people’s self-esteem
What are some of the reasons these messages might change and become hurtful rumours?
How could or should you confront a rumour?
Try the activity again, this time with two patterns following each other – sometimes when you receive too much information it’s impossible to remember it all.
Place the drums on stands if possible. The drums should be similar size.
Arrange in a circle around a metre between each drum
Remove chairs - participants stand behind their drum.
BREAK & JUMP EXERCISE
Determine which direction you will move and practice the ‘break’
Play improvised music around a Bass pulse or the Heartbeat Rhythm together.
One at a time each person counts down to the break - 4,3,21,
The Break - you can get the participants to come up with a break prior to beginning or use the one below
B - O o, B - O o, B B B jump
Jump, Clap ( jump first and add the clap for extra coordination later)
So after playing the break together a s a group, each person jumps across to the drum on their left before returning to the Bass note and resuming improvised play.
After each person has had a turn finish with one final jump on their left spot and a shout of “Jump”
Arrange drums & chairs in a circle around a metre between each drum
BREAK & Move EXERCISE
Determine which direction you will move and practice the ‘break’
Play improvised music around a Bass pulse or the Heartbeat Rhythm together.
One at a time each person counts down to the break - 4,3,21, Move!
Everyone moves one chair in the same direction. There is a three count break in which to move (1,2,3) and then the improvisation starts on the bass.
The Break - you can get the participants to come up with a break prior to beginning or use the one below
B - O o, B - O o, B B B move
Adaption - replace a drum with a percussion instrument on every second chair.
This is really used to promote teamwork between the person who is blind-folded and the drummers supporting them.
Enlarge the circle if necessary - in larger circles have several people in the middle
Warning to the blindfolded individual not to swing their arms wildly.
One person is blindfolded and has to touch the remaining players in the circle while they must avoid being touched. The drummers support the blindfolded individual (or people) in the middle by rumbling whenever someone is sheltering near them - be alert to too much rumbling confusing the person in the middle and the need for the drummers to work together and only rumble when someone is right opposite them.
This exercise can be used to examine the way the drummers worked together, & the trust required by the blind-folded person in the drummers to guide him/her/them.
Adaption: Instead of rumbles the blindfolded person calls out "Marco" and the drummers closest to those hiding in the middle reply with two Tones (Polo).
Response ability - ability to respond appropriately
A Pledge of Responsibility - A transition ritual for changing levels of maturity.
Discuss the fact that all of us have at times found ourselves acting irresponsibly and that as we age, mature and reach new degrees of independence we need to take on more responsibility towards others in our communities. It is only when we recognise this that we can change things for the better in our lives.
Note: it is important the facilitator/s play an active and equal part in this exercise.
Hand out two pieces of paper and ask people to write on one, an area where they recognise they have been irresponsible (offer some examples). On the other, they write something they pledge to do in future that follows a course of more responsible behaviour.
In the middle of the circle place a rubbish bin or similar container
Tell the group that we will play together, and at any stage they can stop and walk to the middle and place their past irresponsibility’s in the bin. Emphasise just one person at a time does this and only if they are truly committed to abandoning that behaviour.
Start by layering in a rhythm, and play together as an improvised group. When all who are likely to act on this have done so, then lower the volume and facilitate a regular count of silence into the rhythm, (stopping for 2 bars and resuming). In each gap of silence, one person at a time, (usually starting with the facilitator) will say out loud their new intention. Once all have had their turn resume drumming, lower the volume and bring to a close.
At the end ask people to sit for a minute’s silence, and reflect on their pledge.
Emotional recognition is central to emotional control, and also how people get on together – many people struggle to recognise how others are feeling which negatively impacts their relationships. Rumble on your drum if you have ever had your feelings misinterpreted by others? How did that make you feel?
The Emotional Detective
Ask each person in the group to choose an emotion & keep it to themselves.
One person is chosen as the detective and they then choose one person opposite them to expresses their chosen feeling using their drum. The detective then guesses the feeling being expressed by their chosen partner - the partner does not give their answer until after the facilitator has asked “Did anyone recognise something different?” It will quickly become apparent that people interpret feelings differently.
Then the player says what they were expressing. If the detective identifies the feeling correctly, he/she swaps places with the individual who shared their emotion – if not, he/she gets another go to test their emotional detection skills with another person of their choice.
Adaption - The detective can be blindfolded and differences in identifying emotional signals can be discussed between the two senses (eyes open or shut). How might body language confuse your understanding of how someone is feeling?
Discussion: What sort of clues do you look for to work out how people are feeling? How much of this is unspoken? How often do people misinterpret your feelings? Does this give you any insight into how you might sometimes misread others? What are some of the consequences of this form of misunderstanding? How can we improve our performance in this area?
Note: This discussion is particularly relevant to situations where we interpret people’s looks as aggressive, or as giving permission for sexual intimacy.
Many people find themselves surrounded by people who struggle to contain their anger and frustration. An environment where people are constantly exposed to others aggression has a lasting impact on those close to them.
When people realise the emotional impact their social surroundings may have on them, they can take active steps to reduce its harm.
Don’t Stand So Close to Me
Ask the group to play a soft foundation rhythm
Choose one person to play to themselves a happy/uplifting/feel good rhythm over the top of the foundation.
Then ask the two people on either side of the happy player to start to play angrily and aggressively on their drum.
Examine what happened to the rhythm of the happy player and how they felt when the aggression started - how challenging was it to remain upbeat?
If they were able to maintain their positive attitude - explore how.
Extension
Try looking at how a positive, supportive environment can help lift someone who is feeling low.
Reverse the script, so that the nominated person plays sad and the two people on either side work to support and lift them.
Note - it is important for the players doing the support role to start off playing at the same emotional level to the sad individual between them (listening first) before trying to lift them out of their gloom.
The Lookout
Once you enter the ‘Speakers Chair’ you will answer this question- Name 3 things you are grateful for in your life?
Encourage use of the phrase “I’m grateful for” each time. Focus on the little things in life that people can take pleasure in. Discussion: How challenging is it to appreciate the positives in our lives? How can we change our focus away from needing more to accepting what we have? Does the company we keep influence our ability to do this? How is this related to balance?
Find Your Neighbours Strength – Sometimes we need others to alert us to our own strengths. Ask people to look to their neighbour (allocate a direction) and think about a strength you see in that person then play the ‘Find Your Strengths’ Game in the same way except when it is your turn, you will face your partner and say one strength you see in them, rather than your own. Finish in the same way by playing the break together and all shouting out the word 'Strengths'.
Note: it is sometimes good to do this in both directions so everyone can be complimented.
Discuss the concept of Strength-Based Practice and Positive Psychology. Helping people focus on their strengths and other people’s strengths improves self-esteem and improves relationships. This helps give some balance back to those who are overly self-critical and provides a platform of achievement for future growth. Those who are more aware of and better at utilising their strengths are markedly happier and more successful. Focusing on others’ strengths enable our relationships to be at their best.
There are six groups of strengths: 1. Wisdom & Knowledge: creativity, curiosity, open-mindedness, love of learning, perspective 2. Courage: bravery, persistence, integrity, zest 3. Love & Humanity: love, kindness, social intelligence 4. Justice: citizenship, fairness, leadership 5. Temperance: forgiveness and mercy, humility, prudence, self-control 6. Spirituality and Transcendence: appreciation of beauty & excellence, gratitude, hope,
FIND YOUR STRENGTHS
Ask people to look at a list of strengths (or use strength cards) and pick one area of strength - something they recognise in themselves, that they are good at, (if possible, convert to a one-word phrase). If it’s not on the chart, or card, they can identify something for themselves.
Play a foundation rhythm of your choice and teach the group how to count down to a break of B - B - BB – - (4,3,2,1, B-B-BB-). There is a one-count rest after the final Bass note before the rhythm resumes.
One at a time have each participant count down the rhythm and in this final gap they shout out their signature strength, before the group resume the foundation rhythm.
Finish with everyone counting down and yelling the word ‘Strengths’ in unison.
Discuss: What brings you to life? • What energises you? • What do you do that comes most easily to you? • On what do other people compliment you? • What is the very best in you? • When do you feel most you? In answering these questions, encourage people to reflect upon some specific, real-life situations where they have utilised one or more of the strengths listed.
When the music has become sparse and calming you can ask participants to think of just one or two things they would like to bring into their life and add these as additional notes – building the rhythm up again.
Recognising that it is not until we have made room for new opportunities by letting go of unnecessary thoughts and worries that we can bring these into our lives.
There is a problematic trend of polarisation (cancel culture) in many areas of community life where people hold opposing views from each other without seeking to hear, understand or learn from the other, and instead dismiss or belittle each other with increasing venom. There is an emphasis on winning, holding steadfast and resisting compromise. Can you think of instances where you see this in your own world?
Political and social messages that divide and pit ourselves against each other are increasingly common - ‘You’re either with us or against us’
One plus One Makes Three
Divide the group into two and pass out two parts, at a complexity that is commensurate to their ability. E.g., B Oo oO & Fl OoB
Teach the parts and point out how different they are – on the surface they have nothing in common. Then with little warning ask the two groups to play their part together - this sudden instruction should lead to discord. Symbolising two quite different arguments trying to get the better of one another.
Now ask people to listen carefully to each other and then start off one part and bring in the other so they harmonise.
Ask the group to think about the resulting harmony, that incorporated both parts and created something that more at the same time - something that couldn’t be achieved without both working together and respecting each other.
Discussion
Dialectics is a method of problem solving that brings two opposing views together to find a greater truth. It is the process of overcoming seeming opposites by uncovering a reconciling third that is bigger than both of the parts and doesn’t exclude either of them.
What are some of the reasons we find it hard to listen or compromise with others who have different views? How does the concept of ‘Confirmation Bias’ acerbate this? How do social media and search engine algorithms exacerbate this?
What are some of the skills we employed in this exercise to find harmony with each other? Can we employ these to help resolve disputes or differences with others in our lives
Confirmation bias is the tendency to process information by looking for, or interpreting, information that is consistent with one's existing beliefs.
‘Call and Response’ exercises can be used to discuss communication – what allows you to interpret my call and replay it back to me correctly? What skills are you employing and what skills am I employing to make this work?
Efficient communication with the drum relies on a number of factors which each have relevance for communication generally. These include the clarity of the message itself as it is relayed, and the level of attention it receives from the recipient. Details that impact these two core aspects of the communication cycle can be seen in musical language and how readily it is interpreted correctly and responded to, or not. The complexity of a message has a clear correlation to how well it is understood, as does the timing of when it was sent. Correct timing helps align the musicians as they play together and poor timing does just the opposite - how much communication fails due to poor timing?
Questions: What are situations when the clarity of your communication is critical?
You may use this discussion to look at issues around consent.
Listen Closely
If you have enough of them, pull out the tonal chimes, otherwise use any other resonating instrument (the longer the resonance the better - if you are using drums you may want to practice getting a good resonating Bass note prior to starting). Introduce the exercise by saying that "We are discussing communication and we all know how important listening is to good communication. This is a listening exercise! I am going to ask you to play one note on your instrument in succession”. “That is, one person plays, the next listens to it and then plays their own etc.”. Play one note each around the circle – don’t initially ask for people to wait for the resonance to stop but each time ask them to listen more closely before coming in. See how long it takes before they are listening to the full resonance.
Discuss the challenges of listening well; what gets in the way (barriers) and what helps, and how this impacts relationships. Who here feels they are not listened to well by other people around them? Who here has been found guilty of not listening well to other people? What are some of the consequences of poor listening skills? What are some of the skills of good listening? How can mindfulness help improve our listening skills?
Dialogue
Divide the group into pairs sitting across from each other in the circle, and explain that each pair is to play a dialogue over the top of the group’s rhythm. Have the group play a simple rhythm and showcase this communication play with your co-facilitator or a chosen group member. The two parts should talk to each other across the circle.
Then start the group on the foundation and lower the volume before inviting the first pair to talk to each other. After 30 - 60 seconds bring them back to the foundation and raise the volume. Then lower the volume again and invite the second pair to talk to each other etc.
Remind them that they can take their time to find the right part, and don’t have to come in straight away - listen to your partner’s part and adjust your part to ‘speak’ to his/hers/theirs.
Discuss the different aspects of successful dialogue. How important was listening? How important was letting each person be heard? Who felt their dialogue was successful why? How important was attunement - connecting to the others emotional state? How did you bring your dialogue to an ending? How easy would it be to miscommunicate if we didn’t have any visual cues?
To avoid consciousness make it fun - add plenty of emotion and body-language
This is an affirmation game that explores personal power or agency over one's life - many individuals in R2R sessions experience a sense of powerlessness.
Start with a discussion: How can we help people find a sense of power over their own destiny? What are some of the ways you do this for yourself and are they transferable? Can focusing on our strengths be a useful strategy. What about goal setting?
'I've got the Power' exercise
Important that prior to embarking on this game we have established that people do have different ways to assert power over their lives, through the choices they make - often attending an R2R program is one of those choices.
The group practice the two phrases:
Oo-Oo-O (I've got the power) Note this phrase has a swing to it
Fl,Fl,Fl. (Yes, you have)
Then everyone plays a foundation rhythm and at any stage anyone can play the drum phrase for I've got the power (emphasise playing it loud & proud) - when they do, it is answered by the group with the drum phrase 'Yes you have'.
Finish the exercise with everyone playing and saying the two parts together (change the word ‘you’ to ‘I’)
Affirmation games are good for embedding learning concepts: reinforced by rhythmical repetition, similar to the way we learn the letters of the alphabet or sing the team song at the end of a football game.
Find your voice.
Ensure people have pen & paper.
Using the universal heartbeat rhythm (B B - -) as a back-beat, participants, working in pairs or groups of three (sitting next to each other), come up with a short RAP Rhyme to punctuate the 2-beat silence in-between each double Bass pulse. The theme can be of anything relevant to the participants circumstances e.g. self-belief/survival /friendship/overcoming adversity etc.
Each pair contribute at least two verses (8 lines or more). The final verse should have a ray of hope in it.
Space out the Heartbeat rhythm (B B) and showcase an example (e.g. B B When I'm low B B I've got no flow B B And all my friends B B Don't wanna’ know).
After about 6-10 minutes check to see each pair has their verses.
Then bring the circle together and each pair, either raps one line each or they can rap their lines together. Start the pulse (B B - -) and layer in each vocal part around the circle, one at a time between the Bass notes – if it sounding good repeat. Note some people find it easier to stop playing while they say their lyrics – offer this as an option.
Part 2. Then see if the group can agree on a group chorus from one contribution (preferably uplifting) and start again, this time adding the chorus between each groups' contribution.
Discuss the way music impacts people’s lives and the way lyrics can inspire the best from people and lead to social change. Has anyone got a favourite lyric to share that has had a big impact on them?
Community Drum - Layer in Your Rhythm - note this is a core exercise to assist people find their own rhythm. Swap percussion instruments for some of the drums. Each member adds their own rhythm to the mix, one at a time – emphasise using the Bass as a safety point for connection and being prepared to adapt your rhythm if it isn’t working. This exercise can be used to: Showcase the importance of diversity in enriching community; Explore the different elements required in finding harmony with others in society; Examine the issues of connection, tolerance and acceptance that provide people with a sense of belonging.
Discussion: How easy is it to connect with others if your rhythm is running fast? Can you see that timing impacts connection? If you are struggling to connect with others, how important is it to be prepared to change? What things get in the way of connection? What things might help you find a better rhythm, so that you can find harmony with other people in life generally?
This exercise is also useful as an extension for when a therapeutic program finishes - it can form the basis of an ongoing recreational fun drum program.
As well as simply having fun and energising the group, we can use musical chairs to look at problem solving.
Each time you shift seats, lower the volume and ask the group to re-examine what they are hearing, feeling, seeing from this new position. At the end of the exercise discuss how changing your position allows you to see things in a different way and sometimes we need to do that with the problems we have in life.
Questions: Are you someone who finds it easy to see the other side of things or do you tend to see things from one perspective and find it hard to change? Can you think of a problem you have in your life that might be better looked at from another angle?
Musical Chairs - Version 2.
Showcase two methods of stopping the group – voice calling down from four and fingers held high doing the same. In this version the voice signals move in the silence as usual. But the hand signals no movement and drummers only stop (percussion keep playing). When you do the hand signal, listen to the percussion song for a while and then bring the drummers back in.
Questions – How easy was it to hear the percussion when the drums were playing? How easy is it to miss those with quieter voices in life? E.G. Minorities, shy people etc.
Musical Chairs
This is an exercise that traditionally is played taking a chair away each time (competition).
In R2R we avoid this and that allows us to avoid the frustrations of losing out, but also to examine the differences and applications of competition and collaboration. Where is competition useful and in what types of situations does it cause problems.
In particular, looking at how competition can undermine relationships.
Weaving Hands
In this exercise, the drums are brought into a tight circle – touching each other. They do not need to be angled, but can remain flat on the floor.
Individuals are asked to cross their arms over their chest so that their hands rest on the drum to either side of them – crossing over this way activates increased neural activity across the brains hemispheres and can improve cognition.
Part 1. With hand resting on drums the group tap in hand order around the circle – if mistakes are made, start again, aim to increase speed and fluency.
Part 2 – Any member can tap twice (but they can only do this once) and that reverses the direction of the movement of tapping hands around the circle.
Part 3 – This time if anyone taps their hand out of order they must remove that hand from the circle.
The number of hands reduces until only a few or one are left.
In R2R exercises we generally try to avoid competitive exercises – be alert to the potential for feelings of shame & resentment if doing part 3.
Note – the drums do need to be of a similar height.
Many individuals struggle to work collaboratively with others - what are some of the reasons for this? What are some of the key elements of teamwork?
Teamwork: Effective team members are good communicators, active participants, respectful & supportive collaborators, problem solvers & are committed to the team goal. Working with others in teams allows you to achieve things you never could on your own.
‘One to The Right, One to The Left’
Bring the group in really tight. Use the phrase “Own drum” whenever you want them to return to their own drum to play the Heartbeat pattern – B B - -
See table on next page for different arrangements.
Encourage your participants to try out other routines.
Questions: What are some of the skills we are using when we work together like this? What are some other situations where these skills would be useful? How limited would our lives be if we had to rely solely on what we could achieve on our own?
TIMING 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 1 & 2 & 3 & 4
1 Repeat x 4 B B - - B B - - B B - - B B - -
2 Repeat x 4
Tone on the drum to your right B B O - B B O - B B O - B B O -
3 Repeat x 4 B B - - B B - - B B - - B B - -
4 Repeat x 4
Tone on the drum to your left B B O - B B O - B B O - B B O -
5 Repeat x 4 B B - - B B - - B B - - B B - -
6 Repeat x 4
Tones on the drum to your right B B O O B B O O B B O O B B O O
7 Repeat x 4 B B - - B B - - B B - - B B - -
8 Repeat x 4
Tones on the drum to your left B B O O B B O O B B O O B B O O
9 Repeat x 4 B B - - B B - - B B - - B B - -
10 Repeat x 4
Tones on the drum to your right B B O O O B B O O O B B O O O B B O O O
11 Repeat x 4 B B - - B B - - B B - - B B - -
12 Repeat x 4
Tones on the drum to your left B B O O O B B O O O B B O O O B B O O O
13 Repeat x 4 B B - - B B - - B B - - B B - -
14 Repeat x 1
Tones on the drum to your right B B O - B B O O B B O O O
15 Repeat x 1
Tones on the drum to your left B B O - B B O O B B O O O
16 Repeat x 4 B B clap clap B B clap - B B clap clap B B clap -
The Values Rhythm exercise
Ask people to think of something important to them in their relationships with others e.g.,
respect, trust, love. Then use the number of syllables in their word to make a rhythm – e.g.
Care – 1 syllable; Love – 2 syllables; Honesty – 3 syllables; Forgiveness – 4 Syllables.
Then layer in their word as a rhythm, one at a time. Start with a one syllable word on the
Bass note to ground the rhythm. As people enter with their value rhythm, they say it as they
play it until after a while stopping speaking and letting the rhythm speak for them – finish the
opposite way with people resuming saying their value and stopping their drum so they are
just chanting together – then fade it away.
Giving and receiving are closely connected. Your ability to give is often commensurate to
your ability to receive, but sometimes the two get seriously out of balance.
People who give or take too much often have ongoing relationship problems. Can you think
of people you know that fit either category? There are challenges and rewards in both giving
and receiving. Can you name some of these? Not all giving is generous - examples?
Often by graciously receiving the gifts of another you are being generous. Sometimes the
best way we can support people is to give them opportunities to give back.
Giving & Receiving Exercise
Hand out Tonal chimes (you can use a combination of drums and percussion as an
alternative) to half the group and ask them to focus on giving the gift of their music to the
other half. Let them play together for around 2-3 minutes. Ask the other half to sit back in a
comfortable position and focus on receiving with generosity.
Then swap roles.
Discussion: What insights can you draw from this exercise about the challenges of giving
and receiving? Who judged their gift as not adequate? How often do we undervalue what
we have to offer others? How difficult was it to receive without judgement? How easy is it for
some people to give to the point of exhaustion?
Note – This can be a good exercise to look at issues of staff burnout. It is also very relevant
for elderly and disabled people who must rely on others for physical care.
In subsequent sessions it can be good to let one half give more (time wise) than the other –
and look at the feelings and implications of not being able to give back equally what you
receive.
Musical Chairs – Issues addressed: Competition versus Collaboration
Version 1 – put percussion on every second chair if available.
Teach the group how to count down to STOP (4,3,2,1 Stop) and then have a count of silence
for seven beats (count the silence out aloud 2,3,4,5,6,7,8) before returning to play – practice
a few times. Once this is perfected each person has to move to a new chair in the silence and
try to resume playing on the one.
Avoid competition – don’t take chairs away.
Discussion - How many people thought it would be fun to take a chair away, as in normal 'Musical Chairs'? What difference would it make do you think? What are some examples of when competition is a good thing? What are some situations where competition might be problematic?
Discuss: Why the two volunteers said they trusted each other? What was that trust based
on? "How important is trust between friends?" “What does communication have to do with
trust?” “How does the context and level of risk impact your degree of trust? How can you
rebuild trust?
• Trust is built over time and consistency or reliability over that time.
• The amount you trust someone should be proportional to the time you have known
them and how reliable they have been over this period.
• The amount of risk should also be proportional to how much you know of someone
and their proven record of reliability
• Sometimes we need to trust people based on their expertise e.g., a doctor or a
mechanic.
• Rebuilding trust is similar in that it takes time to prove that you can be trusted if you
have deceived people in the past – you can’t expect people to trust you quickly, but
given time and consistency you can restore trust.
Friends are often the people that help us through the hardest challenges of our lives.
We have previously explored some of the things 'Good friends do'.
For most of us, when times get tough, it is friends that help us through.
Preliminary Questions:
Rumble if you have ever had someone help you through a difficult period of your life
What are some of the situations where you might need friends to support you?
What does the term 'fair weather friend' mean?
Friends, (a trust Exercise).
In this game, we ask for two people to come forward who trust each other – these two
people pair up and work together to negotiate a maze, made up from other participants
standing still like pillars. First the chosen pair agree on four sounds:
• One for walk straight ahead – steady beat
• One for stop – sharp sound
• One for angle yourself to the right
• One for angle yourself to the left
Bring the rest of the group into the circle and arrange in a maze, (these people stand with
hands folded across chest) and represent the hurdles of life (if people bump into them –
they may cry out – you just bumped into…….. e.g., ill health or relationship breakdown).
Then from the chosen pair, one person is blindfolded while the other steers them by walking
closely behind them playing different signals on a small drum.
Attention – An exercise for focus and attention.
Low level of focus and attention are symptomatic of many behavioural conditions, including
ADHD, & Autism, and significantly impact an individual’s life chances. The state of flow
achieved during many R2R exercises is a state of pure focus. Fun activities that also
promote attention can help increase both engagement & performance.
Start by identifying those behaviours that are problematic for your group members.
Note sometimes we will ask people to write these down:
• One negative thought that keeps reoccurring
• One problematic relationship that leaves you feeling less confident or uneasy
• One problematic environment that often leads you into trouble
Then play 'Call & Response' but first showcase one rhythm (e.g. OoO BB) that represents
problematic patterns in life and instead of answering this, the group must ignore it (silence).
In order to avoid these behaviours, we first have to identify them and be alert for them.
Positive Psychology Extension - Try the same exercise with one rhythm (e.g. BbBbB)
representing positive things in our lives - things we need to pay extra attention to – if you
hear this rhythm you play it back twice (Giving it twice as much attention). Everything else
you just echo back once.
These exercises are useful for people with inattention and impulsivity issues (e.g. ADHD).
• Omission errors (no response) indicates inattention
• Commission errors (wrong response) indicative of impulsivity.
Pass the Bass. The whole group rumble quietly with their fingertips and one at a time a
person does a loud Bass on their drum – pass the Bass note using eye contact only.
Remember to look before you pass.
Rumble Wave – eyes closed
First with eyes open, pass the rumble from one person to another around the circle. Then
ask people to close their eyes and try the same game – what difference did you notice?
Try it again, but this time choose someone who can call out ‘Switch’ at any time and the
direction of the rumble must change.
Call & Response exercises are useful for building confidence, developing communication skills, and teaching musicality.
The facilitator plays a brief rhythm phrase on their drum & the individual or participants echo
it back (it is important to keep these rhythm short & simple). As the response becomes more
assured swap roles – again emphasising simplicity.
Take it in turns for different people to lead the exercise, and introduce changes in volume.
Variations of this exercise can be done with voice, movement & body percussion.
Empowerment – it is important that all participants get to lead this process at different times.
The facilitator should avoid too much control.
Exercise 2 - Call and Response to a Rhythm – moving towards improvisation
One person plays a call which is answered by the group and repeats the same sequence
(call & response) two more times - after the third response the whole group keeps playing
the call as a repeated rhythm. Emphasise the simplicity of this exercise in helping people
find their own rhythm and how this starts a longer term, empowering, process of helping
people to connect musically through improvisation, rather than through allocated parts.
Adding Vocals
Certain vocal sounds can be useful in calming the stress response and reducing anxiety.
Adding sounds or words in Call & Response can be useful for this reason – try low guttural
sounds such as Aaaaahhh, Mmmmmmmm, or Ooooohhh. A long Yawn or Sigh can also be
useful.
Slowing Down
Start off with a rhythm that verges on the edge of complexity for the level of your client or groups ability e.g. Fl Fl, BbB, OoOoO
And play this at a reasonably fast tempo, so that many will struggle.
At regular intervals slow the rhythm just a little. Repeat this process until you are playing the same rhythm at a pace where everyone can join in successfully.
Ask the client or group to continue while you stop.
Then rejoin and add a clap after the five tones - this can symbolise either the ease with which we can be overloaded in life by taking on additional tasks (if people lose their way when you add the clap) or how it is only when we slow down that we can successfully take on additional tasks, (if they can successfully incorporate the clap).
Then ask them to stop.
Post group discussion
What did you notice as the rhythm slowed?
How often do seemingly complex problems become solvable when we slow things down? Can you think of any examples?
How did your awareness change of other things around you as the rhythm slowed?
Do you think this has any relevance to the quality of your relationships?
What might you do to reduce the complexity and speed of your life when you feel a loss of control?
All of us have histories and conditioning from the past that impacts our behaviour and thus our lives in unconscious ways. These generally stem from the disempowered world of the child.
In order to live our lives fully and to function as autonomous members of society we need to recognise these influences, observe them in our daily lives, for good or for worse, that keep resurfacing.
In order to break free of these histories we have to bring them to consciousness. This often means facing our childhood fears and the lethargy of inaction.
Breaking Free Exercise
Ask people to think about some of these unconscious behaviours they recognise in themselves, that maybe negatively impacting their lives or relationships.
Some common issues maybe:
I am not good enough, so I have low expectations, avoid risk, keep a low profile, and maybe tend to self-sabotage
My child self was neglected, so I make up for it by seeking power through material acquisition or power over others
I compensate for feelings of neglect and insecurity through the constant need for reassurance from others
Other addictive patterns that fill the want within - compensating for the pain of loss.
Choose a simple rhythm and make it clear that this symbolises these reoccurring, historically driven, behaviours we have discussed.
As they play the rhythm (together or in one to one work with you as their therapist) ask them to name these patterns (taking responsibility).
Then ask them to break away from the rhythm (the facilitator/therapist maintains the original rhythm) into a new pattern of their own. This can be challenging - tell people to use their Bass notes (values) to give direction to their new pattern.
As the new rhythm grows in confidence, the facilitator should fade theirs away.
Discussion
How did that feel? What helped you find the courage to break free? How important was first taking ownership of the original rhythm?
What might assist you break free from these problematic patterns in real life?
Variations between free play and discussions using the universal Heartbeat rhythm.
Pair people up and give them a set amount of time to come up with an interactive rhythm featuring:
1 x High Five, 1 x Fist Bump, 1 shared vocal - must be able to be repeated rhythmically and have flow.
The aim is to do the exercises around the circle trying to keep a steady rhythm. each person plays one note in the pattern. It is always best to have a group indivisible by 4. Otherwise add an extra sound, so you have patterns that repeat after every 5th person.
1. Bass, Tone, Tone, Clap and repeat
2. Bass, Tone, 2xTone, Clap and repeat
3. Bass, Tone, 3xTone, 3xClap and repeat
4. Bass, Tone, 3xTone, 2xFlam plus Clap, and repeat
Make up your own sequences each week.
The self-control game 'Rumble in the Jungle' being used to look at the precursors of aggression. In many of the self-help groups I do with men, where uncontrolled anger is a real issues, 'Shame' is one of the main areas we focus on in this exercise - how even the smallest humiliations can give rise to extreme anger.
: Rumble if you have ever been drawn into conflict you didn’t really want to get caught up in, by friends or within your family.
Start the exercise by reminding people of this fight - a very important one in Mohammed Ali's career. Ali was a rank outsider to beat Foreman, the current world champion and a much bigger and stronger man. Ali won the fight by avoiding conflict until Foreman was exhausted. The best way to win a fight is to avoid it in the first place.
Ali also stood up for his values and refused to fight in Vietnam.
Discuss – how easy it is to be drawn into conflict with others and why. Who has ever found themselves getting drawn into some conflict situation not of their own choosing?
Play 'Call and Response' but with the proviso that a loud rumble represents aggression - the aim of the game is not to be pulled in by other people's aggression. So, if you hear a loud rumble you must respond with a very soft rumble. Every other call you respond to normally.
This exercise requires a degree of regulatory control.
This video showcases the exercise ‘Attention’ with a focus on bringing a heightened awareness to negative thoughts, relationships and environments, as a means of interrupting our habitual, conditioned behavioural responses and increasing our ability to respond more flexibly to different situations.
Use different facilitation techniques to develop the groups musical capacity
Hand out Tonal chimes (you can use a combination of drums and percussion as an alternative) to half the group and ask them to focus on giving the gift of their music to the other half. Let them play together for around 3-4 minutes. Ask the other half to sit back in a comfortable position and focus on receiving with generosity.
Then swap roles.
Discussion: What insights can you draw from this exercise about the challenges of giving and receiving? Who judged their gift as not adequate? How often do we undervalue what we have to offer others? How difficult was it to receive without judgement? How easy is it for some people to give to the point of exhaustion? What if I had let one half give more (time wise) than the other -would you have felt short-changed?
Note – This can be a good exercise to look at issues of staff burnout. It is also very relevant for elderly and disabled people who must rely on others for physical care.
You can also do this with drums & percussion if you don't have chimes
Bring the group in really tight. Use the phrase “Own drum” whenever you want them to return to their own drum to play the Heartbeat pattern – B B - -
Encourage your participants to try out other routines.
Questions: What are some of the skills we are using when we work together like this? What are some other situations where these skills would be useful? How limited would our lives be if we had to rely solely on what we could achieve on our own?
Enlarge the circle if necessary - in larger circles have several people in the middle
Warning to the blindfolded individual not to swing their arms wildly.
The drummers support the person (or people) in the middle by rumbling whenever someone is sheltering near them - be alert to too much rumbling confusing the person in the middle and the need for the drummers to work together and only rumble when someone is right opposite them.
This exercise can be used to examine the way the drummers worked together, & the trust required by the blind-folded person in the drummers to guide him/her.
Adaption: Instead of rumbles the blindfolded person calls out "Marco" and the drummers closest to those hiding in the middle reply with two Tones (Polo).
Discuss the propensity to find fault with other people, particularly those who might be different from us. Like getting caught in an unhealthy pattern (rhythm), we need to watch how we judge others and try to focus on the positives if we are to develop healthy relationships. Think about the person next to you and find one thing about them you value.
Start with a simple foundation rhythm and then, addressing one person at a time, add the break O o O o O - fl (What I like about you), which stops the rhythm and is followed by the same person stating what that quality is (e.g. Tom is always kind to other people). Then everyone should return to the simple foundation rhythm.
Discuss:
How hard is it say nice things about someone to their face? How often do you remember to do that? What does it feel like to say positive things to your friends and family? What about when people pay you compliments? Are there risks in being more positive towards other people? What else makes it hard to be more positive? What might help?
Hand out Tonal chimes (you can use a combination of drums and percussion as an alternative) to half the group and ask them to focus on giving the gift of their music to the other half. Let them play together for around 3-4 minutes. Ask the other half to sit back in a comfortable position and focus on receiving with generosity.
Then swap roles.
Discussion: What insights can you draw from this exercise about the challenges of giving and receiving? Who judged their gift as not adequate? How often do we undervalue what we have to offer others? How difficult was it to receive without judgement? How easy is it for some people to give to the point of exhaustion? What if I had let one half give more (time wise) than the other -would you have felt short-changed?
Note – This can be a good exercise to look at issues of staff burnout. It is also very relevant for elderly and disabled people who must rely on others for physical care.
Everyone should play the heartbeat rhythm of their choice while one member at a time enters the circle blindfolded and tries to locate their empty chair – prior to searching they turn on the spot three times to disorientate themselves. Focus on soft drumming.
Lead a discussion on finding a reference point to get back home or to a place of safety when you feel lost, down and out, or disorientated. What helped you locate your empty chair? How important was it not to give up? How important was it to trust yourself? Did you get support from others in any way? Did you have to rely on your own ingenuity? What did it feel like if you couldn’t get back?
Discuss the following: What are the elements of good communication? Why is good communication so fundamental to healthy relationships?
One person should be asked to choose someone in the group and start a conversation with that person using their drum and the other person should respond. Analyse the conversation for the following elements – balance, listening, dominance, respect.
What are some of the elements of poor communication we can all fall into? How can this impact our relationships? Why? How can we improve our communication skills?
Choose one person in the group as the controller – the controller can denote who plays and who doesn’t. (In individual sessions the counsellor takes on this role.)
Agree as a group on two signals – one for PLAY and one for STOP. The controller can direct the entire group or an individual.
The rules are firm – you may only play at the invitation of the controller and must stop playing when they ask you to.
The controller should either begin a rhythm or ask someone to begin and the exercise extends from there, with people being directed to start or stop at the whim of the controller.
What did it feel like to be controlled like that by somebody else? Were there feelings of resentment towards the controller? Did you find yourself becoming frustrated? Can you recall other situations where you were at the mercy of others’ power (be sensitive here)? How healthy is it when one person exercises complete power over another? When might it be acceptable? When do you think it might be destructive? In situations where you know you have no power, say when you are stuck in traffic, how important is patience? What about acceptance – how can developing patience and acceptance improve your outcomes in situations like these?
Make a list on a white-board of one thing each person feels is unfair (try and be as specific as possible). Categorise them into different environments of:
• school/workplace
• family/home
• community/society.
Use the ‘Rumble If’ or ‘Play How it Feels’ exercise to check in with the group on how these things impact them and follow with a discussion. The world is full of unfair situations – how reasonable is it to expect life to be fair? How can we move our world towards being a fairer place? Are we influenced by people who act fairly towards others? Do you always act fairly yourself? How do you deal with situations you think are unfair?
Ask one person to come up with an upbeat (positive) melody on their drum and then have the person sitting next to them play something downbeat (depressive). Watch for changes in the emotional content of either player. Add additional players one at a time to increase the level of negativity and explore how this impacts the mood of the initial upbeat drummer.
How can you maintain your positivity in the face of others who may be cynical or angry?
These two approaches can also be played out between a counsellor and their client.
Adaption
Reverse the exercise so that one influences the other in a positive way (start off with a sad or despondent drummer and expose them to uplifting rhythms one at a time).
How does having positive people around you improve your situation? Are there some people you can’t lift?
The counsellor should work with the client (or divide a larger group into pairs), with the focus being to create a two-part harmony that includes some of the elements of a balanced, healthy relationship.
Discuss what those elements might be before breaking off into pairs to develop a rhythm.
Give them around four to five minutes to come back with a rhythm, which they play, one pair at a time, to the group. The rhythm should contain at least one original beat.
Together analyse each two-part rhythm for the different qualities of a healthy relationships – respect, balance, listening, connection, fun etc.
The group as a whole can be divided down the middle to play any of these new rhythms, with one half of the group playing one part each.
Divide the group into two teams – have every second group member move their chair back slightly to differentiate who is in which team (the circle stays intact). Then have each team choose their ‘defence guard’, who must be seated roughly opposite each other.
The game proceeds with people passing the ball to each other using the same naming technique and rumble as in the initial version (identify the person by name or by pointing towards them). Anytime, after three passes, a person can shoot at the goal – to shoot at the goal you don’t have to say a name but you do have to voice the word ‘Shoot’ and look towards the goalie – practice some passing and shooting. To protect their goal the ‘defence-guard’ has to play a specific rhythm immediately after the word ‘Shoot’ comes from the attacker’s lips – I try to make the complexity of this rhythm match the capacity of the group, but often use a five Bass rumble followed by three quick Flams (BbBbB – fl,fl,fl). This will deflect the ball and it is then taken by the defending team. If the goalie makes a mistake with the rhythm or is slow to respond, it becomes a goal and again the ball changes sides. Remember each time there must be a minimum of three passes before someone can shoot at the goal.
Usually we would have a small group of people in the middle. Remember you can change the postures depending on the needs and abilities of your group members.
Have a select number of your group enter the middle of the circle (3 or 4). On a specific signal from the drum they must change their stance (you may wish to write these on the white-board):
• One Bass note - stand on one leg
• Two Bass notes - swap from one leg to the other
• One Tone note – stand on one leg with the other at 90 degrees
• Two Tone notes – ‘Karate Kid’ Pose
• Three notes Bass or Tone – rest.
One at a time, each remaining member of the group plays one of the signals on their drum & the people in the middle respond. Adapt these movements to the capacity of your group members.
Once the exercise is completed note whether people used each other for balance or not. If not ask them to try the
Discuss the importance of balance to health, including both physical & psychological health. How do you know when your life is out of balance? How might friends help keep your life in balance? How does our need for independence impact the balance in our life?
Define the term ‘scratch my back’ in relation to the support we give to each other in healthy relationships. What are some of the ways we can support each other?
Explain that in this game you have to pass a scratch from your drum to another person as a way of saying that you would support them if they needed you.
Start with everyone playing the heartbeat foundation rhythm. Then choose one person to add the scratch to their rhythm and pass it over to someone else using eye contact as a way of offering support to that person. The receiver then has to pass it on to another member in the same way and so the game continues.
How important is it to share and support each other in families or as friends? What happens in families when people only think of themselves? Have you seen situations where one person is exploited by others – that is they do all the work? If you were stuck in this sort of relationship what could you do?
Divide the group into two halves and pass out two parts to each half of the group (or between a counsellor and the individual they are working with) to be played in a sequence that balances the parts.
Timing 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4
Part 1 begins B - B b O o O -
Part 2 answers O o O - O o O -
Part 1 repeats B - B b O o O -
Part 2 completes O o O o O - - -
Continue this four-part dialogue as a rhythm – lower the volume and ask people to focus on the balance between these parts and how they complement each other.
Explore the different ways the two parts balance or complement each other and connect it to balance in life. What would happen if one half of the rhythm started to dominate the other? Who has had experiences like this where they were out of balance in a part of their life, or in a relationship? How do you get that balance back? Is it realistic to expect such balance?
Think about the things in your life that you can be thankful for – it is easy to focus on the things that are going wrong, but equally, if not more importantly, to focus on the positive things in your life.[AQ] You can list the positives on a white-board if you like. Get one thing from each person.
Nominate a short rhythm phrase that represents all the positives in your life, and ask people to watch out for that rhythm. Play ‘Call and Response’ and whenever that rhythm comes up the individual or group must answer it with the pattern Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you ve-ry much (B - O - B - O - O o O o O).
Finish this exercise with the group saying the phrase as they play it.
I have been using this exercise recently with people who have been recovering from the impacts of natural disasters.
In the middle of the circle, one person (the spotter) should stand at one end facing away from the centre and another one, two or three individuals should stand at the other end. Place a small percussion instrument immediately behind the spotter.
The idea is for the two (or three) individuals to sneak up on the person who is facing away from them without being spotted moving – if the person turns and catches them moving, they return to their chair. If they turn and are stationary the spotter turns back again.
The remaining drummers should play their Bass notes each time one of the people sneaking up moves. The aim is to grab the percussion instrument without being spotted.
If they succeed they take it back to their chair and can use it in the next exercise.
What motivated you to play this game? How do these things relate to motivations in other areas of your life? What stopped your progress? What type of things reduce your motivation to move forward in your life? How can teamwork influence motivation?
Draw up a list of values on the white-board, and ask each person to choose one that is important to them. Then demonstrate how to use the syllables of each to make it into a rhythm, for example: Truth – one beat, Love – one beat, Kindness – two beats, Respect – two beats, Forgiveness – three beats, Honesty – three beats, Generosity – five beats.
Each person has to play a rhythm representing a value that is important to them and connect it to the others in the group.
Start the exercise by playing your ‘value rhythm’ and then have each person enter with their ‘value rhythm’ one at a time. (They can be encouraged to say or sing the name of their value to their beat as they enter.)
Discussion:
How do your values fit with your identity and sense of self?
How hard is it to live up to your values?
How do values connect people? What if your values were very different from someone else? Would it be easy or difficult to get on with someone whose values were different from yours?
Put percussion on every second chair if available.
Teach the group how to count down to STOP (4,3,2,1 Stop) and then have a count of silence for seven beats (count the silence out aloud 2,3,4,5,6,7,8) before returning to play – practice a few times. Once this is perfected each person has to move to a new chair in the silence and try to resume playing on the one.
Avoid competition – don’t take chairs away
Start by discussing the concept of harmony - what do people understand by that word? From their own experience what gets in the way of inter-personal harmony and what facilitates it?
The challenge of this exercise is to each play their own thing but still harmonise with each other. They must start all together playing their own thing, with their heads down, (it will sound wild & disconnected), then slowly raise their heads modify their rhythms to connect with each other in harmony – same volume, same tempo, and leaving space for each to be heard.
Before starting you may decide to warn the group not to try and “force people into your rhythm”. If you decide not to warn them, this can often happen, and serves as an interesting discussion point, in relation to this theme - is it really harmony when we force people to our will?
Discuss: the steps they took to find a harmonious connection in relation to the steps people might need to take to connect well with others.
More ideas for 'Call & Response'
You can also do this exercise using one strike of the Bass note each on their drum.
If you have enough of them, pull out the tonal chimes, otherwise use any other resonating instrument (the longer the resonance the better - if you are using drums you may want to practice getting a good resonating Bass note prior to starting). Introduce the exercise by saying that "We are discussing communication and we all know how important listening is to good communication. This is a listening exercise! I am going to ask you to play one note on your instrument in succession”. “That is, one person plays, the next listens to it and then plays their own etc.”. Play one note each around the circle – don’t initially ask for people to wait for the resonance to stop but each time ask them to listen more closely before coming in. See how long it takes before they are listening to the full resonance.
Discuss the challenges of listening well; what gets in the way (barriers) and what helps, and how this impacts relationships. Who here feels they are not listened to well by other people around them? Who here has been found guilty of not listening well to other people? What are some of the consequences of poor listening skills? What are some of the skills of good listening? How can mindfulness help improve our listening skills?
Say: ‘In this exercise we can each enter the rhythm at our own choosing. We choose what we will play and the time we decide to join those already playing, if we join at all, and we will examine what things influence that timing. Remember – you choose! You don’t have to play at all if you don’t want to.’
Starts a rhythm from the rhythm catalogue (Chapter 10) at a relatively fast tempo, adding an additional challenge to joining in with the rhythm.
Repeat this exercise if people were intimidated by the speed of the rhythm, and this time begin with a slower rhythm.
Discuss differences in motivation between people and between different circumstances, for example the two different tempos. What sort of things motivate you generally? What about motivating you out of your comfort zone – what might do that? How important is success to motivation? What about the support you get from others – can that help motivate you? What doesn’t work? How might you use this knowledge to help motivate someone else who needed to shift their personal situation?
This exercise follows a similar format to 'What Does a Good Friend Do?' It is focused on Values and Healthy relationships. Before beginning ensure people understand the question relates to their relationships with other people.
Over the top of a basic foundation rhythm, the practitioner plays a rhythm phrase that symbolises the question ‘What Matters Most to You?', (Fl-OoO-o-O) encourage participants to play this phrase with you each time. One at a time, each participant answers that question with one of three sounds - one Bass note, two Bass notes or three Bass notes - the number corresponds to how many different things they can think of.
After answering with their drum, the responder states their answer/s & the rhythm resumes.
These answers can be written on the white-board for further discussion after the exercise has been completed.
This exercise follows a similar format with a preliminary discussion on what good friends do for each other.
Over the top of a basic foundation rhythm, the practitioner plays a rhythm phrase that symbolises the question ‘What Does a Good Friend Do?', (Fl-OoO-o-O) encourage participants to play this phrase with you each time. One at a time, each participant answers that question with one of three sounds - one Bass note, two Bass notes or three Bass notes - the number corresponds to how many different things they can think of.
After answering with their drum, the responder states their answer/s & the rhythm resumes.
These answers can be written on the white-board for further discussion after the exercise has been completed.
Sometimes in larger groups I will go around half the group asking this question and then for the second half ask the question "What do you want from your life? Or, “What matters most to you?” (in your relationships with other people).