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Understanding the impact of other’s emotions on those around them.
Many people find themselves surrounded by people who struggle to contain their anger and frustration.
An environment where people are constantly exposed to other's aggression or resentment has a lasting impact on them.
When people realise the emotional impact their social surroundings may have on them, they can take active steps to reduce its harm.
Don’t Stand So Close to Me
Ask the group to play a soft foundation rhythm
Choose one person to play to themselves a happy/uplifting/feel good rhythm over the top of the foundation.
Then ask the two people on either side of the happy player to start to play angrily and aggressively on their drum.
Examine what happened to the rhythm of the happy player and how they felt when the aggression started - how challenging was it to remain upbeat?
If they were able to maintain their positive attitude - explore how.
Extension
Try looking at how a positive, supportive environment can help lift someone who is feeling low.
Reverse the script, so that the nominated person plays sad and the two people on either side work to support and lift them.
Note: In this extension it is important for the players doing the support role to start off playing at the same emotional level to the sad individual between them (listening first & validating the feelings) before trying to lift their friend out of their gloom.
PAIR PLAY
Hand out the chimes equally around the circle – if you have less chimes than participants, hand out other percussion instruments. The facilitator plays a drum. Pair people with chimes up across the circle from each other (if you use 9 chimes you will have one group of three).
Start a pulse and foundation with the drums and percussion and then instruct those with chimes that they can bring their sound in at any time, but they must coordinate with their partner so they ‘chime’ together.
Remind people to leave some space between their notes.
These exercises are designed for people who have challenges with physical stability, vulnerable feelings of weightlessness and difficulties with balance.
Challenges with proprioception are common for people who have experienced trauma, people who were born prematurely, those with foetal alcohol spectrum disorder, autistic spectrum disorder, and other sensory perception challenges.
PART 1 – 4 Part Breathing. Practice the Heartbeat Rhythm slowly with a push into the ground during the count rest between the Bass notes. Sit forward on the chair. Add breath synchronisation – breathing out as you push down with the feet. Play the heartbeat rhythm at the crest of every in-breath (inhale) and end of every out-breath (exhale). Extend the length of the breath over a number of sessions.
The Heartbeat grounding breath exercise is used to focus people's attention on the present moment and specifically using their connection to the ground as a means of providing stability and avoiding losing touch with the present - these exercises are taught with the purpose of people utilising them in moments of need and the drumming is then done on the body. Grounding exercises that people can draw upon to keep their mind and body connected and working together, particularly for those times when they are becoming overwhelmed with distressing memories, thoughts and feelings.
PART 2 Then ask participants to stand up, in front of their chair and position their legs at shoulder width, with knees slightly bent - take them through a brief breathing exercise with a focused push into the floor on the outward breath. “As you breathe in focus on breathing low in the belly and as you breathe out push into the floor imagining your feet connecting to the earth, as though roots are growing down from your feet and cementing your connection”. After a couple of minutes of this ask people just to push lightly on the shoulder of the person standing next to them to see how well balanced they are.
Note – Emphasise balance & grounding over force. When we are balanced, we are stable and can better resist change and instability around us.
The use of bilateral rhythmic exercises on the drum can assist people improve coordination, balance and reduce emotional distress, improve regulation and lessen the vividness of traumatic memories. Here we present a range of exercises suitable for one to one and group work.
1. Crossing the midline
2. Circular arm rotations
3. A Rhythm wave
4. Figures of Eight
5. The Tree
6. The Butterfly tap extended to the drum
7. Soothing techniques with hands and wrists.
Emotional recognition is central to emotional control, and also how people get on together – many people struggle to recognise how others are feeling which negatively impacts their relationships. Rumble on your drum if you have ever had your feelings misinterpreted by others? How did that make you feel?
The Emotional Detective
Ask each person in the group to choose an emotion & keep it to themselves.
One person is chosen as the detective and they then choose one person opposite them to expresses their chosen feeling using their drum. The detective then guesses the feeling being expressed by their chosen partner - the partner does not give their answer until after the facilitator has asked “Did anyone recognise something different?” It will quickly become apparent that people interpret feelings differently.
Then the player says what they were expressing. If the detective identifies the feeling correctly, he/she swaps places with the individual who shared their emotion – if not, he/she gets another go to test their emotional detection skills with another person of their choice.
Adaption - The detective can be blindfolded and differences in identifying emotional signals can be discussed between the two senses (eyes open or shut). How might body language confuse your understanding of how someone is feeling?
Discussion: What sort of clues do you look for to work out how people are feeling? How much of this is unspoken? How often do people misinterpret your feelings? Does this give you any insight into how you might sometimes misread others? What are some of the consequences of this form of misunderstanding? How can we improve our performance in this area?
Note: This discussion is particularly relevant to situations where we interpret people’s looks as aggressive, or as giving permission for sexual intimacy.
Many people with low emotional control struggle to identify their feelings - research has shown that just being able to name a feeling increases your control of it - moving brain activity from the primal brain regions to the frontal lobes.
Alexithymia is the term given to the condition of being unable to recognise one’s emotions and feelings and often this extends to being unable to read or identify with others feelings and a concurrent lack of empathy.
Play/Show Some Emotion
In this exercise one person starts a rhythm (everyone joins them) and plays it with a single emotion, after about 20 seconds they name their emotion and the next person changes to a new emotion and after a while, names the new feeling and then the next person comes in with a new feeling etc. until all have had a go. It is OK for people to repeat feelings in larger groups.
You can finish this exercise by listing the range of feelings expressed on a white-board.
Alternative – Make a list of feelings on a white-board or use emotion cards – people pick a feeling from the list or card without telling anyone and then play it on their drum. The rest of the group have to guess which emotion they are playing.
Discuss whether any of the feelings expressed surprised you when they were named and how people express their feelings in very different ways.
Note: Emotions and feelings are not the same but directly impact each other – Emotions are the direct sensations (unconscious) we get from our body and feelings are the mental associations or interpretations (conscious) we give to these sensations.
Two more exercises that examine the common stressors in people’s lives and the things that help overcome them. These exercises can be done separately or in conjunction with each other. A key factor in the strength of this group exercise is ‘universality’ - recognising that many people share the same anxieties and have found ways to overcome them.
‘The Pressure Pot’ & ‘Pressure Valve’ Exercises (These can be done together or separately)
Draw up two columns on the white-board and ask the group to list things that stress them in one column and things that de-stress (relax) them in the other.
Then say we will be playing a simple foundation rhythm (BOBO) and layer in one at a time - each time a new person enters the rhythm they will shout out a ‘stressor’ (from one of the columns) and the tempo will increase - watch my drum so you stay with the right tempo. The facilitator starts by saying their ‘stressor’ and starting a slow rhythm, By the time everyone has joined in, the tempo should be very fast - almost out of control.
Then reverse it (keep going around again) with the tempo slowing each time people shout out something that relaxes them (from the other column). Again, emphasise watching my drum so we change tempo together - by the time everyone has contributed a ‘de-stressor’ the tempo should be very slow.
Repeat.
Note – emphasise paying attention to the facilitator as they change the tempo up or down – it is often easy to speed up (get anxious) and more difficult to slow down (relax).
Discussion: Did you notice any similarities in the types of things that make people feel stressed? How did it feel to be part of the rhythm as the tempo quickened? Did you feel you may have been losing control? In times like these what do you do to regain control? Why was it easier to speed up than slow down? What can we do to help ourselves relax when we are anxious?
Many people find themselves surrounded by people who struggle to contain their anger and frustration. An environment where people are constantly exposed to others aggression has a lasting impact on those close to them.
When people realise the emotional impact their social surroundings may have on them, they can take active steps to reduce its harm.
Don’t Stand So Close to Me
Ask the group to play a soft foundation rhythm
Choose one person to play to themselves a happy/uplifting/feel good rhythm over the top of the foundation.
Then ask the two people on either side of the happy player to start to play angrily and aggressively on their drum.
Examine what happened to the rhythm of the happy player and how they felt when the aggression started - how challenging was it to remain upbeat?
If they were able to maintain their positive attitude - explore how.
Extension
Try looking at how a positive, supportive environment can help lift someone who is feeling low.
Reverse the script, so that the nominated person plays sad and the two people on either side work to support and lift them.
Note - it is important for the players doing the support role to start off playing at the same emotional level to the sad individual between them (listening first) before trying to lift them out of their gloom.
The Appreciation Chair - using the 'Speaker's Chair' routine.
This exercise can be challenging for some people and should only be done when a group has bonded well.
Three things are critical to the success of this exercise:
1. The group has bonded positively
2. Everyone needs to be appreciated evenly - after three things come from three different group members the person in the chair calls the rhythm back in - 1,2,Let's all play!'
3. Group members are asked not to say anything too quickly, but to think more deeply about what they appreciate about the person in the chair. That way the silence represents deeper thinking and the comments become more meaningful.
Play the 'Speaker's Chair' and each time someone enters the chair the group says (3 things) what they appreciate about them. Try to focus on charachter traits rather than physical appearance or possessions.
Note - At the end of the session people may write down what was said about them and carry it with them for a while.
‘Call and Response’ exercises can be used to discuss communication – what allows you to interpret my call and replay it back to me correctly? What skills are you employing and what skills am I employing to make this work?
Efficient communication with the drum relies on a number of factors which each have relevance for communication generally. These include the clarity of the message itself as it is relayed, and the level of attention it receives from the recipient. Details that impact these two core aspects of the communication cycle can be seen in musical language and how readily it is interpreted correctly and responded to, or not. The complexity of a message has a clear correlation to how well it is understood, as does the timing of when it was sent. Correct timing helps align the musicians as they play together and poor timing does just the opposite - how much communication fails due to poor timing?
Questions: What are situations when the clarity of your communication is critical?
You may use this discussion to look at issues around consent.
A Few Good Friends
Note - Not everyone will succeed in this exercise, some may only find one person - when there is a lot of chaos around you it can be difficult to find those people who are strong and steady.
Discuss the importance of having people who are stable and who you trust, who you can turn to when times are uncertain and you need advice or support. Who might those people be? What do we mean by stable? Where might you turn if you had no one like this in your life? What would you be listening for?
This is also a useful ‘sound localisation’ exercise for people who struggle with identifying where sound is coming from and react inappropriately at times.
One person is blindfolded and told they have to come into the circle and find the two or three people playing steady Bass rhythms. Everyone else will play chaotically and randomly (not too loud). Start by everyone playing chaotically and choose the Bass players to begin. Finally bring the chosen participant into the circle to attempt the challenge.
Post Discussion: What might help? Remind them of the Bass analogy representing healthy relationships and healthy values. Sometimes if we can’t get help from others, we may have to come back to trusting ourselves & following our own values
This exercise is often used to assist people understand what it feels like for people with sensory processing difficulties who often become overwhelmed by sounds and other stimuli we take for granted.
Listen Closely
If you have enough of them, pull out the tonal chimes, otherwise use any other resonating instrument (the longer the resonance the better - if you are using drums you may want to practice getting a good resonating Bass note prior to starting). Introduce the exercise by saying that "We are discussing communication and we all know how important listening is to good communication. This is a listening exercise! I am going to ask you to play one note on your instrument in succession”. “That is, one person plays, the next listens to it and then plays their own etc.”. Play one note each around the circle – don’t initially ask for people to wait for the resonance to stop but each time ask them to listen more closely before coming in. See how long it takes before they are listening to the full resonance.
Discuss the challenges of listening well; what gets in the way (barriers) and what helps, and how this impacts relationships. Who here feels they are not listened to well by other people around them? Who here has been found guilty of not listening well to other people? What are some of the consequences of poor listening skills? What are some of the skills of good listening? How can mindfulness help improve our listening skills?
You can also do the Dialogue exercise with a specific intention – one person in each pair plays ‘aggressively’ and the other must respond ‘assertively’. Looking at how people respond to aggression and how challenging it can be for certain people to assert themselves in the face of aggression.
Or you can have one person in each pair play aggressively, and leave it open to other person to respond how they please, looking at how different responses impact aggression.
Note - ensure the receiver is comfortable in receiving the aggression before starting
Dialogue
Divide the group into pairs sitting across from each other in the circle, and explain that each pair is to play a dialogue over the top of the group’s rhythm. Have the group play a simple rhythm and showcase this communication play with your co-facilitator or a chosen group member. The two parts should talk to each other across the circle.
Then start the group on the foundation and lower the volume before inviting the first pair to talk to each other. After 30 - 60 seconds bring them back to the foundation and raise the volume. Then lower the volume again and invite the second pair to talk to each other etc.
Remind them that they can take their time to find the right part, and don’t have to come in straight away - listen to your partner’s part and adjust your part to ‘speak’ to his/hers/theirs.
Discuss the different aspects of successful dialogue. How important was listening? How important was letting each person be heard? Who felt their dialogue was successful why? How important was attunement - connecting to the others emotional state? How did you bring your dialogue to an ending? How easy would it be to miscommunicate if we didn’t have any visual cues?
To avoid consciousness make it fun - add plenty of emotion and body-language
Sit with the Silence - In this exercise the drumming represents the noise & busyness of life and this is interspersed with periods of silence where we focus on the resonance of the chimes. In each break the length of the stillness increases.
Discuss the need in our modern lives to escape the constant pressure of information, noise and worry; to regularly find a place of stillness and rest in order balance the frenetic pace of life. To find a balance between the outer and inner life. What ideas have people got for ensuring they get that balance? How hard is it to make time for quiet reflective time - do you think it is important? What might be some of the benefits for people who do make this time?
Pass out four Tonal chimes to random people scattered evenly around the circle and number them 1 to 4 (the chimes should be in a corresponding scale)
Everyone else plays an improvised rhythm and then the facilitator calls down to stop - 4,3,2,1 Stop! On the stop the first chime sounds, at the completion of its resonance the second chime rings out etc. After the fourth chime has resonated fully the facilitator calls the rhythm back - 1,2, let’s all play.
Three more breaks as above each time getting longer
2nd break – repeat the chime sequence twice before resuming drumming
3rd break - repeat the chime sequence three times before resuming drumming
Final break - repeat the chime sequence four times and finish.
Questions: How are you feeling? Did the breaks impact the intensity of your drumming? Do you find work or school more relaxing when you are having regular periods of quiet time? How important is balance in your life
Musical Chairs - Version 2.
Showcase two methods of stopping the group – voice calling down from four and fingers held high doing the same. In this version the voice signals move in the silence as usual. But the hand signals no movement and drummers only stop (percussion keep playing). When you do the hand signal, listen to the percussion song for a while and then bring the drummers back in.
Questions – How easy was it to hear the percussion when the drums were playing? How easy is it to miss those with quieter voices in life? E.G. Minorities, shy people etc.
Don't touch me!
This is an exercise for 2 – 4 persons, often used in family therapy, but applicable to larger groups by breaking into sub-groups of three or four. It is used to examine personal boundaries and teach self-control.
Place the drums close together, almost touching opposite each other or in a triangle or square and have people site behind them. Start with each person playing a simple Heartbeat rhythm on their own drum and doing some collaboration exercises: one to the right, one to the left (that is adding one tone on the person to their right’s drum and then one tone on the person to their left’s drum).
Then call “Random” and everyone tries to maintains the Heartbeat on their own drum but can play tones or other accents (Claps, scratches, flams) on anybody's drum as long as there is no body contact – as soon as anyone touches another person the whole group must stop and return to the Heartbeat rhythm on their own drum and start again with the one to the left, one to the right.
The idea is to play this exercise multiple times across a program or series of sessions, with the aim of continuing longer each time without transgressing onto another person’s body. If you have multiple groups it can become a competition.
Questions – What helped you avoid being touched? What did you do to keep yourself safe? How important is it to respect other people's boundaries? In particular their personal space
Note – a key part of this exercise is learning to pull back and keep yourself safe.
Pre-exercise Discussion
Many communication and relationship problems start because we react to stimuli from
others around us. Our reactivity often stems from our primal survival mechanisms reacting to
perceived threat. Our sympathetic nervous system reacts immediately and thoughtlessly to
real or imagined dangers in our environment. When the danger is physical this is often a
useful response - we may not have time to contemplate a thoughtful response, but when the
danger is psychological and emotionally charged, these reactions can often worsen a
situation.
• Firing off an email you wish you never sent
• Responding to a text
• Belittling a partner
• Blaming a colleague
• Abusing another.
Rumble if you have ever reacted and said something you wish you could take back.
Rumble if in hindsight you recall overreacting to something someone has said about you.
In this next exercise we are going to practice a mindful pause.
Pausing before we react allows our feelings to settle a little and for us to be more conscious
of what we are feeling and why.
It gives us a better chance of evaluating a situation and responding appropriately
Pause Before You React Exercise
Start a simple rhythm and get louder as if an argument is brewing! Count down to a break
(4,3,2,1 PAUSE) and ask people to:
• Take some deep breaths
• Becomes conscious of any physical tension & relax it
• Come back to the rhythm in their own time, at their own level
Restart the rhythm and wait for people to join you, then repeat one or two more times.
Question - Did you notice any change in the way you re-entered the rhythm and
connected with others during this exercise? How important is it for you to determine
how long your pause needs to be? What are some strategies we can use to bring ‘the
pause’ into the way we respond to others when we or they may be upset?
Rumble in the Jungle – Issues addressed – conflict, violence, aggression, emotional
awareness, self-control. See training video on the R2R website.
Question: Rumble if you have ever been drawn into conflict you didn’t really want to get
caught up in, by friends or within your family.
Start the exercise by reminding people of this fight - a very important one in Mohammed Ali's
career. Ali was a rank outsider to beat Foreman, the current world champion and a much
bigger and stronger man. Ali won the fight by avoiding conflict until Foreman was exhausted.
Sometimes the best way to win a fight is to avoid it in the first place.
Ali also stood up for his values and refused to fight in Vietnam.
Discuss – how easy it is to be drawn into conflict with others and why. Who has ever found
themselves getting drawn into some conflict situation not of their own choosing? What are
some of the situations you recognise that make it more likely you will become
aggressive?
Play 'Call and Response' but with the proviso that a loud sharp phrase (5 Tones) represents
aggression - the aim of the game is not to be pulled in by other people's aggression. So, if
you hear that phrase you must respond with a very soft rumble (fingertips). Every other call
you respond to normally.
This exercise requires a degree of regulatory control.
Discussion: What lessons can we learn from Ali? How difficult is it to avoid conflict in life?
Sometimes if we recognise the triggers, we can avoid them. Often, people who walk
away from conflict are seen as cowards - but we know that sometimes walking away is the
harder thing to do. Can you be a coward if you do the harder thing? What can help us avoid
conflict? What is worth fighting for?
The Rhythmic Wave - This is a key exercise in the R2R model - primarily utilised to
improve emotional regulation. This exercise can be transferred to the body, (tapping the
thighs) so that in times of anxiety people can use it to calm themselves.
The group or individual oscillate between high energy drumming and fading to a soft, slow
Bass pulse at between 60-80bpm. During the slow drumming people are asked to slow and
deepen their breath and relax any tension in their body. This change represents changes in
emotional intensity with participants learning how to transition gradually between these
extremes. Do this, three times before fading to nothing or entering into a mindfulness
exercise – see below.
For younger client’s the impact of this exercise is primarily through the change in drumming
intensity. For adult individuals or groups this exercise can be extended into mindful breathing
and other focused meditations using the Bass pulse as a focal point.
Mindfulness Breath Focus: Once the individual or group have mastered the rhythmic wave
oscillation technique, the drumming become the back-drop to the introduction of mindfulness
routines. The single Bass pulse is slowed to between 40 and 60 bpm (replicating & inducing
Alpha brainwaves), If possible, use a large Bass drum. In the initial sessions, the
practitioner helps the individual focus on aligning their breath to the pulse and maintaining
that focus.
“Relax now, relax your body, loosen any tension and find a comfortable position in your chair
- if you prefer to, you may stop drumming” pause “Focus on, and relax any tension in your
neck, shoulders, chest, arms hands, back, hips, thighs, lower legs, feet” pause “Now turn
your focus to your breath - starting with one breath in on a pulse of your choice and
releasing that breathe some 3 to 4 pulses later” pause “Slowing the breath to the beat of the
pulse and focusing on filling the lungs and emptying them slowly and evenly” pause “Being
aware of other thoughts, as they come or go, but always returning to the breath, & its
alignment to the pulse, grounding you”. Breathing in warmth and calm - breathing out
tension & worry, becoming still. In your own time return your focus to the Bass note & join
me in the rhythm - fade away. Adapt this script & make it your own.
Note: Mindfulness exercises need to become a regular and consistent practice to be
effective – 20 minutes per day is the recommended minimum period. Many facilitators
make this a regular part of their sessions.
Attention – An exercise for focus and attention.
Low level of focus and attention are symptomatic of many behavioural conditions, including
ADHD, & Autism, and significantly impact an individual’s life chances. The state of flow
achieved during many R2R exercises is a state of pure focus. Fun activities that also
promote attention can help increase both engagement & performance.
Start by identifying those behaviours that are problematic for your group members.
Note sometimes we will ask people to write these down:
• One negative thought that keeps reoccurring
• One problematic relationship that leaves you feeling less confident or uneasy
• One problematic environment that often leads you into trouble
Then play 'Call & Response' but first showcase one rhythm (e.g. OoO BB) that represents
problematic patterns in life and instead of answering this, the group must ignore it (silence).
In order to avoid these behaviours, we first have to identify them and be alert for them.
Positive Psychology Extension - Try the same exercise with one rhythm (e.g. BbBbB)
representing positive things in our lives - things we need to pay extra attention to – if you
hear this rhythm you play it back twice (Giving it twice as much attention). Everything else
you just echo back once.
These exercises are useful for people with inattention and impulsivity issues (e.g. ADHD).
• Omission errors (no response) indicates inattention
• Commission errors (wrong response) indicative of impulsivity.
Play it loud, Play it Soft
Everyone starts a simple rhythm at a low, soft level, and one person is tasked with staying
soft, while the other group speed up and get louder.
Examine these three exercises in relation to the way people get pulled in (influenced)
emotionally by others around them, sometimes into situations that they might be better off
avoiding. A key learning in holding your rhythm is knowing it first – knowing what you
want to hold onto – your values.
Discussion: How can we better resist this pull? How important was focus? How important
was self-belief? What other strategies did you use? How big a difference would it make if
you were not alone? (if time permits try one exercise with 2 or 3 people trying to resist in the
face of the rest of the group). How do the emotions of others impact you? Are there people
around you who impact your emotions for better or for worse? How do your emotions impact
others?
'Fade to nothing'; the group gradually decreasing volume until the sound
disappears.
Note: over time, these exercises, when practiced regularly, in conjunction with simple
metaphors around holding onto your values, beliefs etc. can powerfully impact an individual’s
level of emotional control.
Pass the Bass. The whole group rumble quietly with their fingertips and one at a time a
person does a loud Bass on their drum – pass the Bass note using eye contact only.
Remember to look before you pass.
Rumble Wave – eyes closed
First with eyes open, pass the rumble from one person to another around the circle. Then
ask people to close their eyes and try the same game – what difference did you notice?
Try it again, but this time choose someone who can call out ‘Switch’ at any time and the
direction of the rumble must change.
We use rumbles across each session to help people answer questions – Rumble
if….. If I ask a personal question directly it is often met with silence - if I ask that same
question using the ‘rumble if......’ technique I often get a strong response". Try getting each
member of your group to ask a rumble If…. question as a way of getting to know each other.
Call & Response exercises are useful for building confidence, developing communication skills, and teaching musicality.
The facilitator plays a brief rhythm phrase on their drum & the individual or participants echo
it back (it is important to keep these rhythm short & simple). As the response becomes more
assured swap roles – again emphasising simplicity.
Take it in turns for different people to lead the exercise, and introduce changes in volume.
Variations of this exercise can be done with voice, movement & body percussion.
Empowerment – it is important that all participants get to lead this process at different times.
The facilitator should avoid too much control.
Exercise 2 - Call and Response to a Rhythm – moving towards improvisation
One person plays a call which is answered by the group and repeats the same sequence
(call & response) two more times - after the third response the whole group keeps playing
the call as a repeated rhythm. Emphasise the simplicity of this exercise in helping people
find their own rhythm and how this starts a longer term, empowering, process of helping
people to connect musically through improvisation, rather than through allocated parts.
Adding Vocals
Certain vocal sounds can be useful in calming the stress response and reducing anxiety.
Adding sounds or words in Call & Response can be useful for this reason – try low guttural
sounds such as Aaaaahhh, Mmmmmmmm, or Ooooohhh. A long Yawn or Sigh can also be
useful.
The use of bilateral rhythmic exercises on the drum can assist people improve coordination, balance and reduce emotional distress, improve regulation and lessen the vividness of traumatic memories.
Here we present a range of exercises suitable for one to one and group work.
1. Crossing the midline
2. Circular arm rotations
3. A Rhythm wave
4. Figures of Eight
5. The Tree
6. The Butterfly tap extended to the drum
7. Soothing techniques with hands and wrists.
Many of the problems people face in their lives are connected to avoiding painful memories, sensations and feelings, often linked to traumatic events from the past. Acceptance teaches us to learn to live with what we can’t change (remember the serenity prayer) and confront our problems by taking actions to improve our lives in accordance with our values.
We can also use mindfulness to separate the present from the past and seperate our thoughts and feelings from our true selves. We can look dispassionately at our thoughts, feelings, sensations as if viewing them from afar, so that they no longer control us.
Note - ACT does not mean we ask clients to accept every situation (e.g., abusive relationships), but that some circumstances should ultimately be accepted (i.e., physical reality or historical events), should be accepted for now, should be accepted with expectation of eventual change, or should be changed now.
ACCEPTANCE
From a list of feelings, ask your client or the members of your group to pick one they recognise in themselves as a challenge to deal with, and one they often avoid - shame, grief, despair, anger, jealousy, etc.
The client (or one person at a time in a group situation) is asked to express that emotion as a phrase on their drum and once defined repeat it.
The counsellor plays along in a supportive role - holding a foundation.
The client is then asked to incorporate that phrase into a rhythm that represents their day to day life - something steady, stable and not overtly emotional - for instance B O B O or BbOo - adding the feeling phrase to their daily rhythm in a way that allows their daily rhythm to continue unabated but with added texture.
Once the extended rhythm is stabilised the counsellor (or group) combine to play it together.
Discussion
What are some of the thoughts, feelings, sensations, memories you’d most like to get rid of?
What strategies have you used to do that & how successful have they been?
Key facilitation & counselling techniques in the Rhythm2Recovery model include 'Rumble If...' for initiating reflective discussions and 'Play how that feels' for expressing and understanding feelings.
Using the drum to represent arousal and learning strategies to calm oneself. Then transferring this same technique to the body.
The self-control game 'Rumble in the Jungle' being used to look at the precursors of aggression. In many of the self-help groups I do with men, where uncontrolled anger is a real issues, 'Shame' is one of the main areas we focus on in this exercise - how even the smallest humiliations can give rise to extreme anger.
: Rumble if you have ever been drawn into conflict you didn’t really want to get caught up in, by friends or within your family.
Start the exercise by reminding people of this fight - a very important one in Mohammed Ali's career. Ali was a rank outsider to beat Foreman, the current world champion and a much bigger and stronger man. Ali won the fight by avoiding conflict until Foreman was exhausted. The best way to win a fight is to avoid it in the first place.
Ali also stood up for his values and refused to fight in Vietnam.
Discuss – how easy it is to be drawn into conflict with others and why. Who has ever found themselves getting drawn into some conflict situation not of their own choosing?
Play 'Call and Response' but with the proviso that a loud rumble represents aggression - the aim of the game is not to be pulled in by other people's aggression. So, if you hear a loud rumble you must respond with a very soft rumble. Every other call you respond to normally.
This exercise requires a degree of regulatory control.
One group member suggests a feeling or emotion, or they can pick from a pre-drawn list.
The rhythm begins and the facilitator counts down to stop (4,3,2,1, Stop). As soon as the music stops (and for as long as it is stopped) everyone has to try and freeze with the said feeling expressed on their face and through their body.
The facilitator draws people’s attention to a specific individual who is exhibiting the feeling clearly and the individual chosen then gets to choose the next feeling prior, name it, and resume the rhythm (1,2, Let’s all play).
A one to one version of the anger management exercise.
how easy it is to be drawn into conflict with others and why. Who has ever found themselves getting drawn into some conflict situation not of their own choosing?
Play 'Call and Response' but with the proviso that a loud rumble represents aggression - the aim of the game is not to be pulled in by other people's aggression. So, if you hear a loud rumble you must respond with a very soft rumble. Every other call you respond to normally.
This exercise requires a degree of regulatory control.
Examining the impact of other people's feelings on your own, by playing the opposite feeling.
How people can bring us down or lift us up.
Often a good way to finish a session individually or as a group.
Allowing people freedom of expression and leaving in a quiet, calm & connected place
The Echo-wave done one to one.
An emotional regulation exercise
Just focusing on moving between high intensity drumming (arousal) and soft slow drumming (calm)
One at time, around the circle, we repeat a very simple musical phrase (try BbB) - each time getting softer until it almost disappears, then reversing it so that each time it gets louder.
The challenge is for the increments to be as even as possible.
This is challenging as each player has a different technique and each drum a different resonance, so it can take quite a few goes to get even changes in volume - usually done across several sessions with a group or client.
Use a simple and very soft Bass pulse (40–60 bpm) or the Rhythmic Wave exercise as the focal point for this awareness exercise. Give instructions in a mellow, clear voice, speaking slowly and in time to the rhythm. Remember, the script below is just a guide – make it your own.
• Relax your body.
• Adjust your body until you feel comfortable and relaxed. You may wish to close your eyes or focus on one spot. Focus on and relax any tension in your neck, shoulders, chest, arms, hands, back, hips, thighs, lower legs, feet.
• Slow your breathing – focus on your breath, in and out, aligning it to the pulse, becoming still.
• Now focus solely on sounds. Listen to the Bass note of the rhythm first.
• Listen to it in all its dimensions – tone, pitch, frequency. Listen to it in its primacy as pure sound, rather than naming it.
• If other thoughts come to mind, acknowledge them briefly and move your focus back to the sound of the Bass note.
• If you feel comfortable let the vibrations of the Bass note move through your body, grounding you.
• Breathe gently, slowly.
• Let those vibrations travel down to your feet and exit into the floor, connecting you to the earth.
• Now focus on any other sounds. Experience loud and soft sounds, obvious and not so obvious sounds and the gap between sounds.
• Try and avoid categorising these sounds, but experience them as raw energy. If other thoughts come to mind, acknowledge them briefly and move your focus back to the sounds of your environment.
• Breathe gently, slowly.
• Slowly come back to a focus on the Bass.
• Hold your focus on the Bass and allow the volume to slowly fade away.
If possible, sit in silence for 40–60 seconds or if part of the Rhythmic Wave exercise, you can move back into the improvised rhythm play you started from.
Discuss the propensity to find fault with other people, particularly those who might be different from us. Like getting caught in an unhealthy pattern (rhythm), we need to watch how we judge others and try to focus on the positives if we are to develop healthy relationships. Think about the person next to you and find one thing about them you value.
Start with a simple foundation rhythm and then, addressing one person at a time, add the break O o O o O - fl (What I like about you), which stops the rhythm and is followed by the same person stating what that quality is (e.g. Tom is always kind to other people). Then everyone should return to the simple foundation rhythm.
Discuss:
How hard is it say nice things about someone to their face? How often do you remember to do that? What does it feel like to say positive things to your friends and family? What about when people pay you compliments? Are there risks in being more positive towards other people? What else makes it hard to be more positive? What might help?
Ask each person in the group to choose an emotion (from a list you have previously identified with the group). One person is chosen as the detective and they stand in the middle of the circle (or they can remain in their seat if preferred) and they then choose one person to expresses their chosen feeling using their drum, facial features or both. If the detective identifies the feeling correctly, he/she swaps places with the individual who shared their emotion – if not the group help out, and he/she gets another go to test their emotional detection skills.
Adaption - The detective can be blindfolded and differences in identifying emotional signals can be discussed between the two senses (eyes open or shut). How might body language confuse your understanding of how someone is feeling?
Discussion: What sort of clues do you look for to work out how people are feeling? How much of this is unspoken? How often do people misinterpret your feelings? Does this give you any insight into how you might sometimes misread others? What are some of the consequences of this form of misunderstanding? How can we improve our performance in this area?
List a range of emotions on a white-board – you can have people contribute to this list.
Divide your group in two or in individual therapy divide roles between the counsellor and the individual. Ask people to define contrasting emotions as in the table below.
Unpleasant emotions Pleasant emotions
Sad Content
Disgust Inspired
Angry Joyful
Contempt Love
Choose an accessible rhythm (one you can play comfortably) and then have each side choose a different contrasting emotion and transfer that into their playing – thus the same rhythm is played with two different feelings. Swap roles so that in each instance different sides are playing the uplifting emotion.
Discuss the feelings these different emotions evoke, contrasts between them and how they interact together in rhythm and in life. What was the impact of one emotion on the other? Were particular emotions dominant? Can we use contracting emotions to limit the impact of more problematic feelings? Did you gain any insights into the nature of different feelings by playing with them this way?
Discuss the following: What are the elements of good communication? Why is good communication so fundamental to healthy relationships?
One person should be asked to choose someone in the group and start a conversation with that person using their drum and the other person should respond. Analyse the conversation for the following elements – balance, listening, dominance, respect.
What are some of the elements of poor communication we can all fall into? How can this impact our relationships? Why? How can we improve our communication skills?
Start a simple rhythm at a low, soft level, and try and maintain that low volume while speeding up.
Examine this in relation to the way people get pulled in (influenced) emotionally by others around them, sometimes into situations that they might be better off avoiding. A key learning in holding your rhythm is knowing it first – knowing what you want to hold onto – your values.
Discussion: How can we better resist this pull? How important was focus? How important was self-belief? What other strategies did you use? How big a difference would it make if you were not alone? (if time permits try one exercise with 2 or 3 people trying to resist in the face of the rest of the group). How do the emotions of others impact you? Are there people around you who impact your emotions for better or for worse? How do your emotions impact others?
Both people start a simple rhythm at a slow pace, and one person is tasked with staying slow, while the other slowly speeds up – similar to staying calm when others around you get excited and emotional.
What helped you hold steady?
One person should play their drum with a particular emotion – the person opposite should play the opposite emotion. For example sad/happy, fearful/brave, angry/calm, jealous/supportive etc.
Discuss the feelings that arise.
Did you want to join in with the opposite at any stage?
Did your feelings shift at all? Did you feel frustrated at all?
A one to one example of this exercise where the challenge is to hold on to your rhythm (what is good for you) in the face of other people's influence.
Often aligned to holding onto your values in the face of someone trying to get you to compromise them.
It is always beneficial to name the two parts (rhythms/actions) with concrete examples of different choices relevant to the individual being tested.
Ask one person to come up with an upbeat (positive) melody on their drum and then have the person sitting next to them play something downbeat (depressive). Watch for changes in the emotional content of either player. Add additional players one at a time to increase the level of negativity and explore how this impacts the mood of the initial upbeat drummer.
How can you maintain your positivity in the face of others who may be cynical or angry?
These two approaches can also be played out between a counsellor and their client.
Adaption
Reverse the exercise so that one influences the other in a positive way (start off with a sad or despondent drummer and expose them to uplifting rhythms one at a time).
How does having positive people around you improve your situation? Are there some people you can’t lift?
The drum can be used to initiate connection between a participant and the facilitator in a fun way. In both one to one counselling and groups you can begin a session by connecting this way, that also often links people emotionally. In groups or classrooms, you can also use this exercise by having people pair up, and explore the different facets of social connection.
Ask the group to walk in a circular route, in around the circle the same direction, in time to a slow Bass pulse played by yourself, and focus as much as possible on their walk, and the connection to the floor – “move slowly and in time to the pulse”.
“Start off by standing still & regaining that connection you had before”, “ Now walk slowly, and focus on your walk, how your feet touch the floor”, Notice the transference of weight between your feet” Notice the bend in your knees and the movement of your hips”, “If other thoughts come to mind, acknowledge them & bring your focus back to your feet”, Notice any sensations from their connection to the ground each time you step”, Notice the different pressure of each part of the foots connection”.
Each time the drums stops I want you to focus on being strongly connected to the floor.
Avoid turning this into a competitive exercise.
Hand out a range of percussion instruments – one for each person. Ask one person to shut their eyes then point to one person and have them play their instrument for a brief period. The person with their eyes closed must guess what type of instrument was being played.
Adaption
Extend this game by having the person with their eyes shut situated in the middle of the circle and the facilitator asking one person in the outer circle to play their instrument – the person in the middle must track down the sound, moving towards it and stopping opposite the person playing it.
Extend this version by doing the same exercise but this time everyone should play at once and the the person in the middle must track down the one sound amongst all the others.
Preliminary Questions:
Rumble if you have ever had someone help you through a difficult period of your life
What are some of the situations where you might need friends to support you?
What does the term 'fair weather friend' mean?
Friends,
In this game, we ask for two people to come forward who trust each other – these two people pair up and work together to negotiate a maze, made up from other participants standing still like pillars. First the chosen pair agree on four sounds:
• One for walk straight ahead – steady beat
• One for stop – sharp sound
• One for move right
• One for move left
Bring 4 or 5 others into the circle and arrange in a maze, (these people stand with hands folded across chest) and represent the hurdles of life (if people bump into them – they may cry out – you just bumped into …….. e.g. ill health or relationship breakdown).
Then from the chosen pair, one person is blindfolded while the other steers them by walking closely behind them playing different signals on a small drum.
Addition – sometimes you can name the people in the maze as the different hurdles we have noted that may require friendship to overcome. If someone bumps into these – they yell out the life obstacle they represent.
Discuss: "How important is trust between friends?" "What is trust built upon?" Who has had a close friend help them avoid problems in their lives? How hard is it to listen to friends who want you to change your behaviour? How does the context impact your degree of trust?
Start by discussing the concept of harmony - what do people understand by that word? From their own experience what gets in the way of inter-personal harmony and what facilitates it?
The challenge of this exercise is to each play their own thing but still harmonise with each other. They must start all together playing their own thing, with their heads down, (it will sound wild & disconnected), then slowly raise their heads modify their rhythms to connect with each other in harmony – same volume, same tempo, and leaving space for each to be heard.
Before starting you may decide to warn the group not to try and “force people into your rhythm”. If you decide not to warn them, this can often happen, and serves as an interesting discussion point, in relation to this theme - is it really harmony when we force people to our will?
Discuss: the steps they took to find a harmonious connection in relation to the steps people might need to take to connect well with others.
More ideas for 'Call & Response'
You can also do this exercise using one strike of the Bass note each on their drum.
If you have enough of them, pull out the tonal chimes, otherwise use any other resonating instrument (the longer the resonance the better - if you are using drums you may want to practice getting a good resonating Bass note prior to starting). Introduce the exercise by saying that "We are discussing communication and we all know how important listening is to good communication. This is a listening exercise! I am going to ask you to play one note on your instrument in succession”. “That is, one person plays, the next listens to it and then plays their own etc.”. Play one note each around the circle – don’t initially ask for people to wait for the resonance to stop but each time ask them to listen more closely before coming in. See how long it takes before they are listening to the full resonance.
Discuss the challenges of listening well; what gets in the way (barriers) and what helps, and how this impacts relationships. Who here feels they are not listened to well by other people around them? Who here has been found guilty of not listening well to other people? What are some of the consequences of poor listening skills? What are some of the skills of good listening? How can mindfulness help improve our listening skills?
Practicing emotional regulation - moving from high arousal to calm states replicated on the drum. This exercise is initially done on the drum but should also be transferred to the body (thigh).
The group or individual oscillate between high energy drumming and fading to a soft, slow Bass pulse at between 60-80bpm. This change represents changes in emotional intensity with participants learning how to transition gradually between these extremes. Do this, three times before fading to nothing or entering into a mindfulness exercise – see below.
For adult individuals or groups this exercise can be extended into mindful breathing and other focused meditations using the Bass pulse as a focal point.
One at time, around the circle, we repeat a very simple musical phrase (try BbB) - each time getting softer until it almost disappears, then reversing it so that each time it gets louder.
The challenge is for the increments to be as even as possible.
This is challenging as each player has a different technique and each drum a different resonance, so it can take quite a few goes to get even changes in volume - usually done across several sessions with a group or client.
Use a simple and very soft Bass pulse (40–60 bpm) or the Rhythmic Wave exercise as the focal point for this awareness exercise. Give instructions in a mellow, clear voice, speaking slowly and in time to the rhythm. Remember, the script below is just a guide – make it your own.
• Relax your body.
• Adjust your body until you feel comfortable and relaxed. You may wish to close your eyes or focus on one spot. Focus on and relax any tension in your neck, shoulders, chest, arms, hands, back, hips, thighs, lower legs, feet.
• Slow your breathing – focus on your breath, in and out, aligning it to the pulse, becoming still.
• Now focus solely on sounds. Listen to the Bass note of the rhythm first.
• Listen to it in all its dimensions – tone, pitch, frequency. Listen to it in its primacy as pure sound, rather than naming it.
• If other thoughts come to mind, acknowledge them briefly and move your focus back to the sound of the Bass note.
• If you feel comfortable let the vibrations of the Bass note move through your body, grounding you.
• Breathe gently, slowly.
• Let those vibrations travel down to your feet and exit into the floor, connecting you to the earth.
• Now focus on any other sounds. Experience loud and soft sounds, obvious and not so obvious sounds and the gap between sounds.
• Try and avoid categorising these sounds, but experience them as raw energy. If other thoughts come to mind, acknowledge them briefly and move your focus back to the sounds of your environment.
• Breathe gently, slowly.
• Slowly come back to a focus on the Bass.
• Hold your focus on the Bass and allow the volume to slowly fade away.
If possible, sit in silence for 40–60 seconds or if part of the Rhythmic Wave exercise, you can move back into the improvised rhythm play you started from.
This exercise can also be done using Tonal Chimes
Showcase two similar signals on a bell for stopping:
13 three clear strikes of the bell
14 two clear strikes, a gap and then another strike.
Practise using these and stopping for a seven rest count.
Then explain that only number one means move from your seat, while number two means stop and stay in your chair.
See how well people can recognise the difference and respond correctly – moving seats on number one bell call and staying in the same place if you use number two.
Discuss how challenging it was to recognise the difference and respond correctly
Note: Use more challenging signals if these are too easy, for example different melodies on the bell.
Introduce the metaphor of a beach ball representing our feelings and emotions and asking people to support each other by keeping those feelings up – keeping the imaginary beach ball in the air using rumble energy. Say: ‘We start as a group lifting the ball as high as we can with our combined energy and then lowering it as low as we can before raising it to a median level, all the time tracking it with our eyes.’
Discuss the challenges of staying positive and the support we can give each other in keeping our spirits up.
Say: ‘Then we pass it on to one person’s drum and ask them to showcase where their emotions are at at present – low or high – before they pass it to another person using their eyes to track the ball as it moves between players, each person expressing the level of their feelings using rumble energy and the height of the imaginary beach ball.’
Discuss the changing nature of feelings, the sharing of feelings and the energy required to sustain our feelings – noting how much you have to put out to keep that ball in the air as an individual compared with when you are getting the support of others.
The exercise also develops teamwork, emotional control and self-awareness. In individual work, I have found this exercise useful in helping clients express how they are feeling and exploring the same concepts but with a more personal focus.
In this exercise, the facilitator takes the client or group through a storm sequence on the drum and links this to the rise of our emotions when we get upset or angry:
• What triggers your storm?
• How do we get control of the storm?
• What allows the storm to pass by?
• Remember - All storms eventually end – what helps your emotional storms dissipate?
Releasing feelings through the drum can be done at any stage and replaces the question ‘How did that feel” with ‘Play how that felt’.
It can be particularly useful at the beginning of each session to run an exercise – “Play how you are feeling’ over the top of a foundation rhythm as a way of checking in on the group.
EXAMINE
• Triggers for emotional arousal
• Calming strategies