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Taking back power after loss.
Sometimes events leave us feeling like we have no autonomy or power, particularly after we have experienced a significant loss.
We will invite you to reclaim your power by entering the circle and playing on the large Bass Drums, supported by the rest of the circle.
In this exercise we place one or two large drums with mallets in the middle of the circle.
The group start a foundation rhythm and at any stage a person can enter the circle (or you may like to
schedule people one at a time) and play on the powerful Bass Drums, asserting their power.
Post group discussion
Share with the participants how it felt to take back power in this way and be supported by the rest of the
group. What other ways could help regain the ground you lost?
Pre-discussion
Anger is often a normal part of grief, where we may feel betrayed, let-down or abandoned.
These are normal feelings.
What is forgiveness and why is it so hard? Why is it often important not to forget the wrongs that have
occurred in our lives?
Forgiveness, as an act of acceptance, is not forgetting or condoning the harm that has been done; instead, it
is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment, towards
ourselves and others. Forgiveness is simply about understanding that every one of us is both inherently good
and inherently flawed (Desmond Tutu)
When the unchangeable past is accepted, then the focus can move from pain and resistance to forgiveness,
healing, and progress in recovery.
Forgiveness Exercise
Teach the 7-bar break:
TIMING 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4
Drum Phrase 1 B b O - B b O - B b O o O o O -
Drum Phrase 2 B b O o O o O - B b O - - - - -
I Forgive, Not Forget - I am Learning to Accept”
I am Learning to Forgive and Accept”
Ask people to think of someone and something that they may hold negative thoughts about such as
blame or resentment - it may be someone who has wronged them or critical thoughts they hold about
themselves. In this exercise if they feel up to initiating thoughts of forgiveness towards these individuals
or themselves, they should initiate the break. There is no need to discuss the actual situation that led to this
position, but it can be a useful lead into deeper analysis where warranted.
Start a simple rhythm and count in the break (4,3,2,1 …). Play the break to symbolise the affirmation,
before going back to the foundation rhythm and someone new initiating the break anew. Do this several
times and finish with people saying and playing the break at the same time. You may want to write the
words of the affirmation on a whiteboard.
R2R TRAINING WORKBOOK VOLUME 2: MUSIC FOR SOCIAL & EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT 59
Post Discussion.
What are the benefits of forgiveness? How can we practice this to gain these rewards for ourselves
and those around us?
According to recent meta-analyses on the effects of forgiveness therapy, forgiveness helped to minimise aspects
of negative affect such as depression, anger, hostility, stress, and distress (Akhtar & Barlow, 2018).
Self-forgiveness is not about letting yourself off the hook, nor is it a sign of weakness. The act of forgiveness,
whether you are forgiving yourself or someone who has wronged you, does not suggest that you are condoning
the behaviour. To forgive yourself, you should:
} Understand your emotions - particularly the difference between guilt and shame
} Accept responsibility for what happened
} Treat yourself with kindness and compassion
} Express remorse for your mistakes
} Make amends and apologise (including apologising to yourself)
} Look for ways to learn from the experience
} Focus on making better choices in the future
Forgiveness means that you accept the behaviour, you accept what has happened, and you are willing to move
past it and move on with your life without ruminating over past events that cannot be changed.
There are times when all of us have been thoughtless, selfish or cruel. But no act is unforgivable; no person is
beyond redemption.
Desmond Tutu
Begin by discussing how different communities’ initiate youth into adulthood and why.
Using the white-board, draw up two columns - ‘Community Responsibilities’ & ‘Individual Freedoms’
Examine and name a list of important community responsibilities followed by individual freedoms.
Represent the former by the Bass note (we all have a responsibility to meet here) and represent individual
freedom on the edge of the drum (give people the freedom to play accents on the edge of the drum
however they wish).
Start a Bass pulse and allow people to join as they wish.
After a little while repeat without the Bass and look at what happens to community and relationships
generally without recognition of our obligations towards each other and our environment.
Note: This is a useful exercise in family therapy where we look at family obligations, and how they support trust
and stability.
Standing up to Bullying
‘Keep your Distance’ This exercise is used to examine bullying and other issues associated with negative
peer influence. It is only played when the facilitator knows the group and can identify that people
have enough resilience to accept a role-play on this topic without getting triggered, as it replicates
how we respond to aggression.
Discuss the prevalence of bullying and what motivates it (power & social influence). What are some of
the different forms bullying takes? What are some of the consequences of bullying? Discuss the intrinsic
need for belonging and the subsequent power of peer influence. Many people, young and old, find
themselves compromising their values because of this need for acceptance among peers.
Explain that this game has two parts, that are usually done in consecutive sessions, but can be
done together.
Part 1
We are looking for someone who feels they are able to withstand a bit of negativity to play the victim
in this exercise (be careful about choosing someone who has a history of victimisation - the individual
chosen to play the victim is identified by the facilitator after time spent with the group as someone with
appropriate resilience).
The volunteer is blindfolded and placed in the centre of the circle with instruction on backing away from
the rhythm that represents bullying behaviour (3 sharp flams). One person is chosen as the leader of the
bullies and can co-opt others to join him by looking at them. Everyone plays a soft foundation rhythm
unless they are invited to join the bullying gang. The victim must back away from any aggression – as
more and more people join the bullying there is less room to hide!
Stop the exercise after a short time and explore the following questions:
} How did it feel in the middle? Can you relate this to how a victim of bullying might feel?
} What are some of the feelings victims of bullying might experience?
} What allows some people to avoid these feelings despite negative things happening to
them?
} How did it feel to get pulled into the bullying gang? Did anyone try to avoid this?
R2R TRAINING WORKBOOK VOLUME 2: MUSIC FOR SOCIAL & EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT 39
Part 2
Revisit the exercise by reminding people of the first sequence and discussion.
Then practice with the group a ‘Rhythm of Courage’ until they can play it tightly (try BbBbB; it should
sound comforting not sharp). The same person in the middle plays the victim and the same person
plays the leader of the bully gang but this time the rest of the group are given the option of offering
sanctuary to the victim by playing their rhythm of courage if they haven’t first been co-opted by the bully.
Once you start playing the ‘rhythm of courage’ you can co-opt others into joining you by looking at them.
The victim can find a place of safety by sheltering close to those playing the rhythm of courage.
Play the 2nd part of the exercise for a few minutes and then examine the following questions:
} How did the experience of having a place of safety change the experience for the victim
from part one?
} What changes did people make in the way they played their parts from when we did this
exercise in session 3, and why?
} Any new insights into the role of the bystander from doing this exercise again.
Discuss the importance of kindness and its reciprocal nature - kindness generates kindness in return.
In todays world it’s easy to focus on our own needs and undervalue the needs of others. We can forget that in this world we all need each other.
Ask for examples where people have helped out a friend or a stranger and felt the reward that entailed or when they have been helped out themselves.
In this exercise we are going to add a break
Are you OK? - Oo O O. Followed by Can I help? - Fl,Fl,Fl
We play around a foundation rhythm and then bring in the break - returning to the rhythm after a one count rest.
Finish by saying and playing the break at the same time
Discuss: What are some of the simple ways we can show kindness towards others? What makes it sometimes hard to offer help to others? What makes it hard to ask for help when you might need it?
Are you in or Are you out?
In this game three people start by playing a rhythm together.
Note: 2 – 3 people should be playing at all times.
Then one person is chosen and can either invite another group member to join the rhythm through a nod of the head in their direction and mouthing the words ‘come on in’, or exclude someone by shaking
their head towards someone already playing and mouthing the word ‘Stop’.
If you choose to exclude someone, then you must follow up by inviting someone new to join.
Each time a new person enters the rhythm they can invite one other person to join with a nod (come on in) or exclude someone (stop playing) with a shake of their head (you can exclude an existing player or
someone waiting to join).
Each playing member can only invite or exclude one other member each.
Ask people to focus on their feelings when they include or exclude someone or have that done to themselves by another.
Discussion:
How did it feel to be included or excluded? What sort of things lead to people being excluded? How hard is it to be generous towards others and include them when others are excluding them? How easy is it to
include those who are going through tough times?
When you exclude someone do you reveal something about yourself?
Are there times it might be wise to exclude someone?
Response ability - ability to respond appropriately
A Pledge of Responsibility - A transition ritual for changing levels of maturity.
Discuss the fact that all of us have at times found ourselves acting irresponsibly and that as we age, mature and reach new degrees of independence we need to take on more responsibility towards others in our communities. It is only when we recognise this that we can change things for the better in our lives.
Note: it is important the facilitator/s play an active and equal part in this exercise.
Hand out two pieces of paper and ask people to write on one, an area where they recognise they have been irresponsible (offer some examples). On the other, they write something they pledge to do in future that follows a course of more responsible behaviour.
In the middle of the circle place a rubbish bin or similar container
Tell the group that we will play together, and at any stage they can stop and walk to the middle and place their past irresponsibility’s in the bin. Emphasise just one person at a time does this and only if they are truly committed to abandoning that behaviour.
Start by layering in a rhythm, and play together as an improvised group. When all who are likely to act on this have done so, then lower the volume and facilitate a regular count of silence into the rhythm, (stopping for 2 bars and resuming). In each gap of silence, one person at a time, (usually starting with the facilitator) will say out loud their new intention. Once all have had their turn resume drumming, lower the volume and bring to a close.
At the end ask people to sit for a minute’s silence, and reflect on their pledge.
Discuss the importance of responsibility in life generally, and how it relates to trust, social cohesion and freedom.
There are a number of affirmation exercises in the R2R resource kit where people can commit to an action or belief through the symbolism of a rhythmic phrase. Research has demonstrated how activities such as these can impact motivation and self-belief through direct changes to the neural system, in much the same way as visualisation.
Discuss the challenges of taking responsibility, Responsibility requires pivoting from blaming external factors to empowering internal forces. Discuss the connection between Responsibility & Blame and Responsibility & Trust.
What are some of the benefits of responsibility? Responsibility is important because it provides a sense of purpose, in addition to building resilience amidst adversity on an individual and societal level.
Like an addiction, sidestepping responsibility may feel good in the short-term, but leads to exponentially worse pain and suffering in the long term.
‘IF IT IS TO BE - THEN IT IS UP TO ME’ Exercise
This is an exercise that looks at behavioural change and self-responsibility
The phrase - O o O - o O, B b B - b B is practiced, which represents the theme ‘If it is to be - Then it’s up to me’. Divide the group and half call out with the Tones and the other reply on their Bass.
A flowing rhythm starts (which represents the flow of life), & the practitioner tells the group that he/she will interrupt that flow with a count-down 4,3,2,1, STOP, just like problems or challenges that surface from time to time in our own lives. To resume the flow, the group will play the break 3 times – ‘If it is to be, then its’ up to me’ (taking responsibility to find the solutions, make the right choices or seek help).
Finish by having everyone say the phrase over the top of the break.
Many people find themselves surrounded by people who struggle to contain their anger and frustration. An environment where people are constantly exposed to others aggression has a lasting impact on those close to them.
When people realise the emotional impact their social surroundings may have on them, they can take active steps to reduce its harm.
Don’t Stand So Close to Me
Ask the group to play a soft foundation rhythm
Choose one person to play to themselves a happy/uplifting/feel good rhythm over the top of the foundation.
Then ask the two people on either side of the happy player to start to play angrily and aggressively on their drum.
Examine what happened to the rhythm of the happy player and how they felt when the aggression started - how challenging was it to remain upbeat?
If they were able to maintain their positive attitude - explore how.
Extension
Try looking at how a positive, supportive environment can help lift someone who is feeling low.
Reverse the script, so that the nominated person plays sad and the two people on either side work to support and lift them.
Note - it is important for the players doing the support role to start off playing at the same emotional level to the sad individual between them (listening first) before trying to lift them out of their gloom.
The Appreciation Chair - using the 'Speaker's Chair' routine.
This exercise can be challenging for some people and should only be done when a group has bonded well.
Three things are critical to the success of this exercise:
1. The group has bonded positively
2. Everyone needs to be appreciated evenly - after three things come from three different group members the person in the chair calls the rhythm back in - 1,2,Let's all play!'
3. Group members are asked not to say anything too quickly, but to think more deeply about what they appreciate about the person in the chair. That way the silence represents deeper thinking and the comments become more meaningful.
Play the 'Speaker's Chair' and each time someone enters the chair the group says (3 things) what they appreciate about them. Try to focus on charachter traits rather than physical appearance or possessions.
Note - At the end of the session people may write down what was said about them and carry it with them for a while.
A Few Good Friends
Note - Not everyone will succeed in this exercise, some may only find one person - when there is a lot of chaos around you it can be difficult to find those people who are strong and steady.
Discuss the importance of having people who are stable and who you trust, who you can turn to when times are uncertain and you need advice or support. Who might those people be? What do we mean by stable? Where might you turn if you had no one like this in your life? What would you be listening for?
This is also a useful ‘sound localisation’ exercise for people who struggle with identifying where sound is coming from and react inappropriately at times.
One person is blindfolded and told they have to come into the circle and find the two or three people playing steady Bass rhythms. Everyone else will play chaotically and randomly (not too loud). Start by everyone playing chaotically and choose the Bass players to begin. Finally bring the chosen participant into the circle to attempt the challenge.
Post Discussion: What might help? Remind them of the Bass analogy representing healthy relationships and healthy values. Sometimes if we can’t get help from others, we may have to come back to trusting ourselves & following our own values
This exercise is often used to assist people understand what it feels like for people with sensory processing difficulties who often become overwhelmed by sounds and other stimuli we take for granted.
Rumble in the Jungle – Issues addressed – conflict, violence, aggression, emotional
awareness, self-control. See training video on the R2R website.
Question: Rumble if you have ever been drawn into conflict you didn’t really want to get
caught up in, by friends or within your family.
Start the exercise by reminding people of this fight - a very important one in Mohammed Ali's
career. Ali was a rank outsider to beat Foreman, the current world champion and a much
bigger and stronger man. Ali won the fight by avoiding conflict until Foreman was exhausted.
Sometimes the best way to win a fight is to avoid it in the first place.
Ali also stood up for his values and refused to fight in Vietnam.
Discuss – how easy it is to be drawn into conflict with others and why. Who has ever found
themselves getting drawn into some conflict situation not of their own choosing? What are
some of the situations you recognise that make it more likely you will become
aggressive?
Play 'Call and Response' but with the proviso that a loud sharp phrase (5 Tones) represents
aggression - the aim of the game is not to be pulled in by other people's aggression. So, if
you hear that phrase you must respond with a very soft rumble (fingertips). Every other call
you respond to normally.
This exercise requires a degree of regulatory control.
Discussion: What lessons can we learn from Ali? How difficult is it to avoid conflict in life?
Sometimes if we recognise the triggers, we can avoid them. Often, people who walk
away from conflict are seen as cowards - but we know that sometimes walking away is the
harder thing to do. Can you be a coward if you do the harder thing? What can help us avoid
conflict? What is worth fighting for?
Used to point the group towards shared values and experiences.
Ask each person to name one value they are or would be prepared to stand up for. The group should come up with examples – personal or public – of individuals who have stood up for this same cause.
Examples:
• Honesty – Would you stand up in the face of dishonesty? Can you give an example?
• Respect – Would you stand up in the face of disrespect? Can you give an example?
• Loyalty – Do you stand up for your friends or family? Can you give an example?
• Bullying – Would you stand up against a bully? Can you give an example?
Then use the rumble game ‘Rumble if you’d stand up for…’
Discuss the challenges of bravery. What is the difference between bravery and courage? Can you be brave and foolhardy at the same time? How can friends band together to be brave in numbers? Why are bullies cowards?
Introducing a four Bass break to affirm four core values or four things that offer people stability in their lives, that the group have earlier decided upon.
Here is how we introduce the game as initially a lateral thinking exercise and then as it becomes more popular we can use it to look at discrimination.
This is a lateral thinking game – that can be just fun or used to examine discrimination
Often, we will play this game with random factors for a few sessions before we move to look at deeper issues.
Tell everyone we are going to play a ‘Lateral Thinking’ game where they have to guess the reason people are barred from the rhythm – explain that you shouldn’t worry about being barred but focus instead on why?
We will play together and then I will stop the drumming and ask the question “Who’s out and what’s it all about?” Then people can suggest reasons. In the first round, you will have no clue and have to guess randomly - after that you will guess on what are the common factors about those being chosen by the facilitator.
Choose a random factor e.g. shoe style, drum type, and ban people because of it (1 person per round) – It should take 2-3 rounds before they get it.
Extension- this exercise can also be used to look at discrimination. Choose a physical factor – e.g. hair colour or eye colour and talk about discrimination or prejudice. – why are some people left out, rejected or discriminated against? How does that feel? How can we stand up to that?
The self-control game 'Rumble in the Jungle' being used to look at the precursors of aggression. In many of the self-help groups I do with men, where uncontrolled anger is a real issues, 'Shame' is one of the main areas we focus on in this exercise - how even the smallest humiliations can give rise to extreme anger.
: Rumble if you have ever been drawn into conflict you didn’t really want to get caught up in, by friends or within your family.
Start the exercise by reminding people of this fight - a very important one in Mohammed Ali's career. Ali was a rank outsider to beat Foreman, the current world champion and a much bigger and stronger man. Ali won the fight by avoiding conflict until Foreman was exhausted. The best way to win a fight is to avoid it in the first place.
Ali also stood up for his values and refused to fight in Vietnam.
Discuss – how easy it is to be drawn into conflict with others and why. Who has ever found themselves getting drawn into some conflict situation not of their own choosing?
Play 'Call and Response' but with the proviso that a loud rumble represents aggression - the aim of the game is not to be pulled in by other people's aggression. So, if you hear a loud rumble you must respond with a very soft rumble. Every other call you respond to normally.
This exercise requires a degree of regulatory control.
Resisting negative peer influence.
This is the same exercise as the standard version. but with two specific rhythms:
1. Bb,Oo,BbB,O - representing the phrase and choice - Holding onto what I believe.
2. OoO, OoO, OoOoOoB - representing the phrase & choice - "Let it go, Let it go, Let it, Let it, Let it, Go!"
I person tries to hold on to the first rhythm using the phrase (self-talk) to help them, while the rest play the second rhythm and try to undermine them.
Ask your participants to think about one thing they enjoy doing that gives back or helps out another person or community. Give some examples: maybe you enjoy lending your friends some lunch money; maybe you enjoy helping out around the house; maybe you enjoy standing up for your friends when they are being bullied.
Then have each person ask one question of the rest of the group about whether they too enjoy the same type of giving: for example, ‘Rumble if you enjoy…’
What are the rewards of giving back? Why do we sometimes hold back offering others our help if we know that giving brings these rewards? Can you be taken advantage of sometimes if you are a generous person? What would happen if we all stopped giving and focused only on taking?
The facilitator should describe a number of experiences (related to victimisation) and ask the group to rumble on their drum if they can identify with each of the emotions that might be garnered for an individual experiencing that event. The
group rumble in empathy with the individuals in the scenarios and then name the
emotions they may have felt. Examples:
1. Rumble if you can imagine how it might feel to have very few friends - What might you be feeling?
2. Rumble if you can imagine how it might feel to not know where your next meal is coming from - What might you be feeling?
3. Rumble if you can imagine how it might feel if you felt everyone was laughing at you - What might you be feeling?
After giving some examples ask the students to come up with their own scenarios
Discuss the concept of empathy. What is empathy? How does it affect the way
we act towards others? What if people have little empathy, how do they act? How
hard is it to have a respectful relationship with someone with little empathy for
others? What might help someone to develop more empathy?
Start with a short discussion on the importance of helping out others if you can and getting help yourself when you need it – everyone has the potential to do both and each brings rewards. It can be difficult to give and it can also be difficult to ask for help. What are some of the situations where you might need support or be able to offer support?
One person should start a simple foundation rhythm and each person should enter in succession but only at the request of the drummer already playing next to them. The drummer should invite the next person to join the group with the phrase ‘Help me out, if you can!’ (fl, fl, fl, O o O). When everyone is in, finish with all players doing the break and saying the phrase ‘Help me out, if you can’ at the same time.
Discuss the benefits of altruism. What are the rewards of giving or supporting someone in times of need? If giving brings rewards, why is it often hard to ask for help? How does balance impact this issue? Can you ask too much or give too much?
Choose one person in the group as the controller – the controller can denote who plays and who doesn’t. (In individual sessions the counsellor takes on this role.)
Agree as a group on two signals – one for PLAY and one for STOP. The controller can direct the entire group or an individual.
The rules are firm – you may only play at the invitation of the controller and must stop playing when they ask you to.
The controller should either begin a rhythm or ask someone to begin and the exercise extends from there, with people being directed to start or stop at the whim of the controller.
What did it feel like to be controlled like that by somebody else? Were there feelings of resentment towards the controller? Did you find yourself becoming frustrated? Can you recall other situations where you were at the mercy of others’ power (be sensitive here)? How healthy is it when one person exercises complete power over another? When might it be acceptable? When do you think it might be destructive? In situations where you know you have no power, say when you are stuck in traffic, how important is patience? What about acceptance – how can developing patience and acceptance improve your outcomes in situations like these?
Make a list on a white-board of one thing each person feels is unfair (try and be as specific as possible). Categorise them into different environments of:
• school/workplace
• family/home
• community/society.
Use the ‘Rumble If’ or ‘Play How it Feels’ exercise to check in with the group on how these things impact them and follow with a discussion. The world is full of unfair situations – how reasonable is it to expect life to be fair? How can we move our world towards being a fairer place? Are we influenced by people who act fairly towards others? Do you always act fairly yourself? How do you deal with situations you think are unfair?
Ask one person to play a slow, steady pulse on the Bass note of their drum (they are the co-facilitator).
Say: ‘In this game I am going to ask a series of questions and you are going to stand up if they are true about you and stay seated if not – try and stand and sit on the pulse of the Bass note, not in between the notes.’
Ask a series of questions relevant to your group that promote tolerance.[AQ]
• Stand if you have a friend who is different from you.
• Stand if you speak two languages.
• Stand if you like football.
• Stand if you ever get lonely.
• Stand if you live with one parent.
• Stand if you like ice cream.
• Stand if you like to win.
• Stand if you like to get your own way.
• Stand if you like music.
• Stand if you ever get angry.
Adapt the questions to participants’ age range and interests. Replace standing and sitting with other indicators, such as different drum responses, for those with physical difficulties that make standing difficult.
Have a discussion on the things that make us human, things that unite us and things that divide us. Did you notice how many of these questions we answered together? As people do you think we are more alike or less alike? Why do you think we sometimes focus more on the differences between us than on recognising our similarities?
Note: Amend the questions to suit the issues of the individual or group.
INTRODUCED WITH A FOCUS ON ‘SOMETHING SOMEONE HAS DONE’
We will play together and then I will stop the drumming and ask the question “Who’s out and what’s it all about?” Then people can suggest reasons. In the first round, you will have no clue and have to guess randomly - after that you will guess on what are the common factors about those being chosen by the facilitator.
If blame is a problem in your group, people will start blaming each other or sometimes themselves. Thus, the secret is that the first person to blame somebody else or themselves, for something they apparently did wrong is the person eliminated. Resume the rhythm once somebody falls into this trap. It will generally take several goes before people realise it is ‘blame’ that is defeating them!
Discussion: What are some of the ways blame defeats you in real life? How can you take responsibility for your life if you are always blaming others for what goes wrong? if you blame someone for something that happened to you are you in effect saying they have the power to control your life? By avoiding blame, you take back that power. What about self-blame? How is our life affected when we are continually down on ourselves? How can we change that?
This is an exercise that looks at behavioural change and self-responsibility.
Revisit the discussion on power and extend it to look at personal responsibility. How much power (agency) do you think you have to make the best of your life? How much power do you have over your thoughts and feelings? How much power do you have over how you act and the choices you make? Where does responsibility intersect with your power? If you assume responsibility do you take back power?
Note: it is important to acknowledge that people’s feelings of agency vary at different times of their lives.
Once there is a consensus that in many ways we do have power to determine our future and we need to take responsibility for that (as much as we can); The phrase - O o O - o O , B b B - b B is practiced, which represents the theme ‘If it is to be - Then it’s up to me’. (I often split this so one half of a group play the Tones and the other replies with the Bass notes)
A flowing rhythm starts (which represents the flow of life), & the practitioner tells the group that he/she will interrupt that flow with a countdown 4,3,2,1, STOP, just like problems or challenges that surface from time to time in our own lives. To resume the flow, the group will play the break – ‘If it is to be, then it’s up to me’ (taking responsibility to find the solutions, make the right choices or seek help). Finish by having everyone say the phrase over the top of the break.
Discuss the importance of responsibility in life generally, and how it relates to trust, social cohesion and freedom.
Preliminary Questions:
Rumble if you have ever had someone help you through a difficult period of your life
What are some of the situations where you might need friends to support you?
What does the term 'fair weather friend' mean?
Friends,
In this game, we ask for two people to come forward who trust each other – these two people pair up and work together to negotiate a maze, made up from other participants standing still like pillars. First the chosen pair agree on four sounds:
• One for walk straight ahead – steady beat
• One for stop – sharp sound
• One for move right
• One for move left
Bring 4 or 5 others into the circle and arrange in a maze, (these people stand with hands folded across chest) and represent the hurdles of life (if people bump into them – they may cry out – you just bumped into …….. e.g. ill health or relationship breakdown).
Then from the chosen pair, one person is blindfolded while the other steers them by walking closely behind them playing different signals on a small drum.
Addition – sometimes you can name the people in the maze as the different hurdles we have noted that may require friendship to overcome. If someone bumps into these – they yell out the life obstacle they represent.
Discuss: "How important is trust between friends?" "What is trust built upon?" Who has had a close friend help them avoid problems in their lives? How hard is it to listen to friends who want you to change your behaviour? How does the context impact your degree of trust?
Give out a number to each person.
Ask for a volunteer to be blindfolded.
They must find their seat, which will be in a different place once the group relocate, using people playing their number on their drum.
You can also do this by having people playing a different percussion instrument each - noting the sequence and then finding their chair by recognising where the gap is.
Draw up a list of values on the white-board, and ask each person to choose one that is important to them. Then demonstrate how to use the syllables of each to make it into a rhythm, for example: Truth – one beat, Love – one beat, Kindness – two beats, Respect – two beats, Forgiveness – three beats, Honesty – three beats, Generosity – five beats.
Each person has to play a rhythm representing a value that is important to them and connect it to the others in the group.
Start the exercise by playing your ‘value rhythm’ and then have each person enter with their ‘value rhythm’ one at a time. (They can be encouraged to say or sing the name of their value to their beat as they enter.)
Discussion:
How do your values fit with your identity and sense of self?
How hard is it to live up to your values?
How do values connect people? What if your values were very different from someone else? Would it be easy or difficult to get on with someone whose values were different from yours?
This exercise follows a similar format with a preliminary discussion on what good friends do for each other.
Over the top of a basic foundation rhythm, the practitioner plays a rhythm phrase that symbolises the question ‘What Does a Good Friend Do?', (Fl-OoO-o-O) encourage participants to play this phrase with you each time. One at a time, each participant answers that question with one of three sounds - one Bass note, two Bass notes or three Bass notes - the number corresponds to how many different things they can think of.
After answering with their drum, the responder states their answer/s & the rhythm resumes.
These answers can be written on the white-board for further discussion after the exercise has been completed.
Sometimes in larger groups I will go around half the group asking this question and then for the second half ask the question "What do you want from your life? Or, “What matters most to you?” (in your relationships with other people).
